Emotional intelligence is not about never experiencing negative emotions, but learning how to channel them in positive and constructive ways.
Conventional wisdom in psychology says that negative emotions cause narrowing in a person's thinking and acting repertoire for survival. Conversely, positive emotions bring about widening of a person's thinking and acting repertoire. Negative emotions trigger a suppression of immune function while positive ones trigger enhancement.
"Cancer Patients who express anger or express upsets survive longer" Which would you like?
Frequently, a person's personality can become dominated by a particular negative emotion, such as sadness, fear, hurt, or guilt. It's as though that particular emotion becomes the dominant feature in their lives. All of us know people who, much of the time, display such distinctive negative personality traits. From a psychological standpoint, what tends to cause this is a long history of recurrence.
If not dealt with adequately at time, events involving a particular emotion become "jammed" at the unconscious level. For such a person, even a trivial event can precipitate a cascade of all negative emotion attaching to a similar event from the past. Ordinary everyday emotions, such as anger, can suddenly become rage, sadness can become depression and fear can become extreme anxiety.
Extremes of specific negative emotions have become identified with particular diseases, e.g. anger has become associated with heart disease and guilt and depression with cancer. The healing of such past events and depressed emotions is essential.
Releasing your physical and emotional pain and distress will help you to:
- Have a healthier body and improve your emotional wellness.
- Develop personal weakness into strengths and creativity.
- Have a clearer understanding of your life purpose and life path.
- Experience deeper heart to heart intimacy with others and yourself.
- Heal patterns of anger to be more loving, Link: Anger
- Heal patterns of fear, Link: Fear
- Healthier Relationships through conflict resolution.
- Increased ability to make healthy choices.
- Improved communication skills.
- Express your emotional needs.
- Master negative thoughts.
- Managing anxiety and daily stress.
- Minimise self-doubt, increase your self-esteem and self-awareness.
- Create more positive and uplifted feelings.
- Release and heal addictions and trauma.
- Shift from victim to personal empowerment
You Cannot Release Negative Emotions by Resisting It
Whatever you resist will persist. Most people believe that they can be free of negative emotions by finding ways to suppress them, or resist them, in some way. When you suppress an emotion, it usually leaves a residue, or finger print, behind which will trigger the same emotions later in the future. Suppressing emotions is very harmful to your body as it tampers with the harmonious flow of energy and creates blocks of resistance within your being.
The human mind by its very nature is intuitively wired to run away from anything that feels bad in the body. However, it’s this very mind that actually creates negative emotions in the first place through its negative pattern of thinking. So it’s like a vicious cycle where the mind creates the negative emotion and then tries to suppress it or run away from it.
Ask yourself, “What are my emotions trying to tell me?” Often there is a thought process behind what we feel.
Broadening your perspective.
In the moment, a bad experience can feel like the end of the world. But when you look back on it after a week, month, year, or even decade, the event often loses a lot of its affect. How many of you can look back on an experience you once thought was really terrible, and now it seems like nothing? Sometimes we wonder why we ever got so upset in the first place. Imagine yourself 20 years down the road, will you care as much about those same things that are troubling you now? When we broaden our perspective, things don’t often seem as important as we like to make them out to be.
Find a quiet place and time and listen to that inner voice of intuition within you. Each person has it. And listen with your heart rather than your head. Your heart will hear different things from your head.
There is a very special time just as you are waking up in the morning but before you are fully awake. This is the time zone when you can often hear your sub-conscious speaking to you. Listen to your thoughts at this time carefully and you will pick up important messages, messages that can help you to identify your emotions, even your core issues.
Leaning into Letting Go Letting go
We have each been faced with the mystery and paradox of letting go .
How hard it is to enter that vulnerable space
of permitting ourselves to feel the naked aloneness and
trust that there is a Loving God amid this dark confusion.
We sometimes gingerly lean into that space as we slowly
hand over our hearts to a compassionate Presence who
know our deepest fears and emptiness. At times of loss
and letting go we ask only to lean into Love and trust
that the emptiness will make way for fullness.
At times we try desperately to hide what we perceive
as inadequacy. At times we try desperately to hide what we perceive as inadequacy. We cloak ourselves with efforts to please, produce and perform, hoping that will be enough. We cling to the covers of power or proficiency to avoid disclosing our vulnerability.
In the noise and panic we can miss hearing the call of our own heart, and the invitation deep within to come home to ourselves and to that sometimes forgotten place of being held by an unconditionally loving God. Here we are gently encouraged to remove the masks behind which we've hidden and stand without shame in the truth of who we are. The long held lies of not having enough or not being enough fall aside when we stand in the presence of unbounded love. In the letting go, we come home to the abundance which we have always really had.
Here are some activities that are often effective in taking emotions like sadness, anger, or grief, and then using them to learn something about ourselves or creating a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
- Listen to music that fits your mood.
- Go to the gym or workout.
- Watch a movie that echoes how you feel.
- Vent your thoughts to someone who is willing to listen.
- Donate or volunteer at an organization that works toward your values.
- Ask yourself, “What are my emotions trying to tell me?” Often there is a thought process behind what we feel.
- Learn how to reframe a situation in a more positive or productive light.
- Go out to your local park or nature preserve.
- Find a good place to take pictures.
- Lift weights or hit a punching bag to de-stress.
- View anxiety or stress as motivators to act, not things that inhibit you.
- Write a poem or song lyrics.
- Try to solve a puzzle.
- Go outside for a short walk.
Writing About Your Emotions:
See Journaling healing through writing
We can play all sorts of games with our minds, denying reality is something we all do. However, it’s much harder to do that when we write things down. You don’t have to show your list to anyone, but for complete emotional health you have to fully accept your emotions. This acceptance will be accelerated if you write your list and share this list of emotions with one other human being.
But be very careful and choose someone who will guarantee you confidentiality. I highly recommend a counselor, minister, priest, psychiatrist or someone trained in this type of work and who guarantees confidentiality. A professional can often help you put a healthy perspective on these emotions. Writing this list is important.
Don’t be afraid of your emotions. Don’t fight them, run away from them, blocking them out. Welcome them; be with them, regardless of what they are. We were born with all emotions. They are neither good or bad, they just are. Emotions dissipate and slowly disappear if you feel them, and are present with them. Just close your eyes and feel them as deeply as you can.
Once emotions have come to the surface, been identified, and you are feeling them, effort needs to be made to own them and release them.
Deciding How To Respond To Your Emotions:
Once you have identified a certain emotion you will at times need to decide how to precede in dealing with it. There are many options that need to be considered carefully. Certain approaches can have very serious effects. You could lose your job, or you could lose your marriage. It’s very important to consider your options carefully before saying or doing something that cannot be taken back.
Accepting Responsibility For Your Emotions:
Taking care of ourselves is the greatest way we can love ourselves in a wholesome and healthy manner. And this means accepting responsibility for our emotions. Remember, emotions are not good or bad. They just are. But be careful and don’t punish yourself or be too hard on yourself. Balance is the key work. Each human being is very human, and that means each one of us is born with a full range of emotions.
The following are a few questions you can ask yourself when deciding what response would suit a particular situation best – and each emotion, each situation is different.
- Am I reacting to this situation or is this reaction partially a reaction to a past situation as well?
- Am I able to discuss the issues with the person without venting anger? Will I be able to talk about how I feel to the person?
- Is a direct approach the best way to proceed?
- What are the consequences of dealing directly with the person/ situation?
- What do I expect from this discussion?
- Are my expectations realistic?
- Should I discuss this with someone before doing anything?
By asking these questions you will be deciding whether a direct approach is the best approach, and if so if you are ready do this at the present time. If your anger is at a “rage” stage, you need to release some of this anger before proceeding to discuss this with anyone.
The Physical Part of Releasing Your Emotions
There are a number of ways you can begin to release your emotions, especially those relating to anger and hurt.
Exercise: Do yoga, tai chi, or some other mind-body exercise
Yoga ... Yoga
Yoga stimulates the immune system through stretching and breathing.
The regular practice of Yoga sends an important message to the unconscious mind and to the immune system.
Through the practice of yoga many emotions can arise in an individual, both positive and negative. It is natural for emotions to come up during yoga exercises. It's another form of cleansing. Some people will want to suppress them, which is normal, but if they are accepted and looked at we can understand a lot more about ourselves.
There are links between physical performance and the emotional state. Some people have chronically tight muscles. Yoga will slowly relax the built up tension and the emotions that underlie this tension. This may cause the emotions to surface for a short time but gradually these emotions and thought patterns will disintegrate.
Emotions are held in the tissues, muscles and internal organs. The emotions influence the production of stress hormones and create muscular tension and this therefore puts more stress on the internal organs.
The emotional body can get stuck and stop the energies flowing freely and evenly through the physical body. This can cause the energies and emotions to get trapped in a particular part of the body. The practice of Yoga unblocks the energy currents and therefore the emotions. Through yoga practice many deep emotions can come up and the emotions on the surface can be greater understood as well as ways to overcome them. Emotions can surface in anyone, after just starting yoga practice or after practising for many years. Yoga makes us more open and we start to notice many things as our awareness grows.
We dance for laughter,
We dance for tears,
We dance for madness,
We dance for fears
We dance for hopes
We dance for screams
We are the dancers
We create the dreams
Emotional Benefits of Exercise
Our bodies love movement. When we stretch or dance, our bodies adjust, realign and start to become fluid with the rhythm of life. Our mood lifts and we feel more connected with the world around us. If you are feeling stuck, ready to release old energy, or eager to feel more alive, dance.
- Exercise builds bone density for the future, making you less likely to suffer from stress fractures or even osteoporosis. Knowing this can keep you emotionally strong and healthy.
- Exercise improves the mind-body connection and reduces symptoms of illnesses and disease, ranging from cancer to the common cold. Even arthritis and gastrointestinal disorders are relieved through exercise.
- Exercise increases self-confidence, which positively affects your professional, personal, and social lives.
- Exercise calms your mind and helps you feel less stressed in traffic, at work, and at home.
- Exercise makes you feel happier. People who exercise are more optimistic and happy than those who lead sedentary lifestyles.
- Exercise allows you to express your frustrations, disappointments, anger, and negative energy in a positive way. Psychologically and physically, exercise gives you more energy and confidence to improve your relationships with family and friends.
- Exercise decreases feelings of depression and anxiety.
- Depression can decrease with regular physical activity,
- especially if you break a sweat!
- Exercise gives you time to gain perspective about life, your problems and most situations if you're fit and healthy. You have time to reflect and think about events. A major emotional benefit of exercise is that you'll work off the tension and can think clearly about the situation.
- Exercise helps you feel better about yourself. You'll look and feel healthier, which will attract new friends (and partners, if you're looking for a date!).
The emotional benefits of exercise can be a source of fitness motivation - if you stay focused on how exercise can help your mind, body, and soul.
Letting Go of Guilt - Feeling guilty
If you want to improve your health and feel good about yourself you have to learn to let go of guilt. When you feel guilty you have the tendency to punish yourself, deep inside you think you are a bad person. Therefore you may develop a tendency to hurt yourself, self-sabotage and self-hatred.
Guilt is an emotion that comes up around thoughts of the hurt and pain that we cause others. Guilt is also the ego’s way of saying, “Look at all of the bad things I have done. I am no good (enter shame) and I don’t deserve any happiness.” Guilt is a pity party, a way for the illusion that we call ego to stay alive. If we focus on the guilty feelings and shameful thoughts, we are focused on the self, and we are not dealing with the problem in a straightforward manner. So we have guilt reminding us of all the wrong deeds we have done, and shame telling us we are bad. These two emotions keep us in a cycle of thoughts and feelings that keeps us acting out on others and ourselves in a totally negative way, and we build negative karma that keeps us in a suffering state.
Though guilt is an obstacle to joy and success for both sexes, many would agree, and research now points to the fact that women suffer from this issue more than men. Feelings commonly experienced include: sensing a lack of balance, loss, responsibility for problems of others, heightened pain in seeing others suffer, feeling you need to fix things. The terms, hyper-responsible, hyper-conscientious, hyper-sensitive often hit home. You may also feel or be immobilized, and have difficulty making decisions. The syndrome is mired in negative beliefs about the self. These are irrational, and sometimes require the help of professional counselors to fully reverse.
The following are common thought patterns where letting go of guilt remains an issue:
• Negative or positive situations that affect my husband and children, are largely my responsibility.
• I must keep secret, what happened to me in the past.
• The bad things that happened to me when I was a child are my own doing.
• My children deserve to have more toys, experiences and other things than I had.
• Others are judging me. I place high value on their judgment.
• One of the highest goals I operate under, is to ‘save face’ with other people.
• I can never relax. Something I am doing may be wrong or cause harm.
• I am responsible for my husband's (wife, partner or spouse) happiness.
To top off this irrational thinking, others may take advantage of your feelings of shame and guilt! Some of this may be virtually unconscious, habitual or/and seemingly harmless, and some of this may be more serious. They may:
• Fake illness, incompetence, seem unhappy, or other behaviours to trigger your guilt. You follow by taking over. The next thing you know, you are responsible for the tasks they should have been taking care of. Yikes!
• Play upon your irrational guilt to get you to meet their needs, even if it violates your rights.
• Heighten your feeling of low self esteem. Result? More shame and guilt.
Spend some time, perhaps over a period of a few days, pondering what you know deep down, are the root causes of your guilt. Jot them down in a notebook, as part of your Stuff I want to let go of list. Some of the issues which will come up could be past hurts, fear of rejection, basic survival issues from the past, mistakes you made re-playing in your mind, victim syndrome, past or current issues with.
Secrets are shame-based and incidents kept secret or feelings hidden from others will make these feelings deeper and longer lasting. Emotional secrets can lead to emotional and mental illness.
Human beings often have aspects of themselves that they feel compelled to keep private or secret. The secrets that come out are endless. Dr. Dean Ornish commented: "All of us struggle with issues that are in many ways very different, yet when we look a little deeper, we find that other's issues are not unlike our own. We have so much in common. Whatever the issue is, the fear is that we will be rejected. So we often hide it to be something we are not - If I reveal me, what happens?
However, current research is now demonstrating that suppressing of deep secrets can precipitate or accelerate the progression of various illnesses, especially cancer.
Conversely, there is also research is reporting how about talking or writing about theses "secrets" can enhance immune function and help move us towards wellness. (see journaling: healing through writing) If you are looking to improve your health, then it would be worthwhile choosing any unpleasant event from the past or from your current behaviour and looking to heal it. You can do this on your own or with the help of a competent councellor or psychotherapist.
Angry At Yourself?
Breaking Out of the Victim Trap
Does your anger turn to yourself? Do you beat yourself up? Make a firm commitment to stop being a victim by breaking into the victim talk to take responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Monitor your language to catch and interrupt yourself during pity parties. Change your victim talk (I can't..., I never could..., I'm no good at..... etc.) to language that affirms positive thinking. Decide what you want and the type of person you want to become. Tap into your longing to be whole. Decide what you will have to do to get it. Break it down in small steps and start to work on the first step.
Place yourself around positive people who are committed to growth and well being. Invite your friends to confront you lovingly when you get in the victim role. Learn to confront the critical voice within that tells you that you are not worthy. This is the technique of thought stoppage- you simply interrupt any negative inner message. Discount the thought, yell "No!" at it and distract yourself by getting into some other thought pattern. Tell yourself that negative self talk is only old programming. You can be very rude and interrupt these self- condemning voices but be gentle with yourself.
Hold an inner dialogue to determine how being a victim pays off for you. Examine victim patterns in your parents and relatives. Learn what hidden messages lie within about your not deserving to be successful, healthy or have a loving relationship. Explore these messages that sabotage your well being with a process oriented therapist.
Make a pact with yourself to be responsible for choices that you make that affect your healing.
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT for short) see: Emotional Freedom Technique
Thought Field Therapy
Negative emotions interrupt and disturb the entire body's energy system. A new technique from Thought Field Therapy gives a way to break into frustration, irritation and anger and even aggression. Thought Field Therapy was discovered by Roger Callahan, a California psychologist. Thought Field Therapy is a revolutionary new technique for breaking into negative emotions and beliefs. You can access the Thought Field web page at http://www.tftrx.com
Poking or tapping certain parts of your body while thinking of the upsetting situation can change your energy and release the uncomfortable feelings. After the pressure or tapping, the information is stored differently in your body. Your energy flows more freely. Often the angry thoughts about the issue spontaneously change after doing this technique.
Here’s a quick experiment to show how this technique works. Make a fist and squeeze it hard as if you’re holding on to something, and keep squeezing. What does that feel like - a little uncomfortable? Perhaps it feels a little strange, but if you keep squeezing the strangeness goes away. It’s still uncomfortable but secure and automatic. Emotions in the same way are uncomfortable and automatic. And releasing emotions is as easy as opening your hand.
The technique is adapted from the Sedona method’s basic technique. It is a series of questions, which we answer very quickly. The questions in themselves are not important nor are the answers. The questions help us stop, look, and be aware of what’s going on, and they help us re-learn what we have always known: that it is easy and instant to release any emotion. Ask and answer these questions quickly. No matter what the answer is, move on to the next question. Soon they will become non-verbal. With practice the questions disappear and releasing becomes automatic.
When you experience an emotion, big or small:
- Can I make a lot of space for this emotion?
It’s easy to remember as space/can I/let go.
What are you feeling right now? You don’t have to label it, and it doesn’t have to be a big emotion.
Can you allow the emotion? See if you can allow the emotion without resistance. Make a lot of space for the emotion in the body. Don’t contract. Don’t resist. Welcome the emotion, allow it, and love it. Then, make even more space for it. If you don’t think you can welcome the emotion, it’s perfectly fine. Move on quickly no matter what happens.
Are you able to let the emotion go? You don’t have to let it go, the question is: are you able to? It’s okay if the answer is no. Just continue.
Are you willing to let it go? Move on, no matter what you answer.
Let it go now. It helps to sigh, or exhale long and easy while letting go.
Instead of questions, you can make them into statements, something similar to:
I am making space for this emotion.
I can let this emotion go.
I am letting it go Now.
With practice the technique becomes non-verbal and natural and technique-less. You will notice a sensation in the body, make space for it by not contracting, and release it.
The mind will immediately question whether this will work. “It’s too simple.” “If I knew how to let go of emotions, I would have done it already.” “How can this work?” “What is the mechanism?” “I can’t use this until I understand more.”
The answer is just to try it a few times. If you feel you are not able to let go of the emotion, don’t worry about it. Try it anyway. Keep trying. My experience first was with the Sedona method of releasing. I tried it with anxiety, several times a day for about two or three weeks. I didn’t think it was really working, and one day I realized I had not felt anxiety for several days. With practice the technique became instant and non-verbal.
The "Breathing" Method
This method proceeds through the power of your breath. Your breath is a healing agent and focusing your breathing on specific areas of your body can assist in healing processes in those areas. In terms of emotional clearing, breathing is an invaluable tool which will help you to focus on that which needs to be removed from your body. With this technique, it is helpful to block off about 30 minutes to allow it ample time to succeed.
Sit down in a room by yourself, with your back straight. Slowly breathe in to the pit of your abdomen, and then slowly release your breath. It is helpful to slowly count to six as you breathe in and then again as you breathe out. If you're the visual type, imagine white light flooding your body as you breathe in and gray clouds leaving your body as you breathe out. Body awareness is an important aspect of this process. As you breathe in, take care to feel the breath as it moves into your stomach, up your esophagus, and out again.
At times you may feel emotional, and tears may arise. Be comforted in knowing that this is part of the release process and is a clear sign that you are letting go of painful emotions.
For a count of ten breaths, breathe in the following ratio: inhale for one count, hold for four counts. So if you inhaled for three seconds, you would hold for twelve seconds and exhale for six seconds.
When you exhale for twice as long as you inhale, you eliminate toxins via the lymphatic system. When you hold four times as long, you can fully oxygenate the blood and stimulate your lymphatic system. When you breath, you should start from deep in your abdomen.
As part of your healing programme, you might explore repeating the breath work for ten such breaths, in the ratio 1; 4; 2, on at least three separate occasions each day. You can even do it sitting in the car or waiting in a queue. It can become habitual.
Meditating is one of the great things you can do for yourself, your health, and those you love.
It’s a way of accessing your natural self-healing instincts. Meditation is a tool for rediscovering the body´s own inner intelligence.Meditation can be used everywhere (train, bus, etc.) even on the way to work. It is usable by everyone, regardless of age, religion or beliefs.
- Meditation improves the immune function
- Reduce the symptoms of illness such as sleep problems, anxiety, etc.manage the side effects of treatment (chemotherapy, radiation therapy, tablets, surgery, etc. Improves emotional well being
- Increase the likelihood of remission
- Decreased anxiety.
- Decreased depression.
- Decreased irritability and moodiness.
- Improved learning ability and memory.
- Increased self-actualization.
- Increased feelings of vitality and rejuvenation.
- Increased happiness.
- Increased emotional stability.
- Research has shown that Meditation can contribute to an individual's psychological and physiological well-being
A Meditation With the Heart of the Universe:
Close your eyes, sitting in a relaxed and comfortable position with both feet on the ground, your hands sitting gently on your thighs. Begin to breathe deeply, inhaling and exhaling slowly and gently, concentrating on your breathing. Do this deep breathing at least 10 – 15 times, concentrating on only your breathing. This will help you relax at all levels and clear the noises from you mind. You will have to practice this relaxation a number of times before proceeding with the full meditation.
Once you have relaxed, feel your heart, be with your heart. Then go out into the Universe, and visit the stars and the spaces between the stars, until you find that sacred place, the Heart of the Universe. Approach it slowly, respectfully and with humility. Then ask that the love of the Universal Heart be more deeply connected with your heart, and that your heart be filled with the love of the Universe. Stay with this for as long as you can. Feel the love of this Universal Heart. Once you feel your heart has received the love it needs at this time, thank the Universal Heart for sharing its love with you and slowly open your eyes and come back into the present moment.
Practice Forgiveness towards yourself and others.
Forgiveness is a great healer. I don't know if you can really, truly heal completely if you don't forgive.
The past is gone. The only person you poison with lack of forgiveness is yourself. Forgiveness is really something you do for yourself. The chronic stress and energy drain of holding onto grudges and resentments, no matter how deserved you think they are, will eventually ruin your quality of life and your health.
Crying About Your Experience:
"What soap is for the body, Tears are for the Soul"
Crying is a normal releasing function for each human being. We are born with this ability because through crying we release pain, hurt, and associated stress. Please begin to cry about whatever hurts you.
Crying or writing and crying about what has happened to you can help you sort out your experience and understand it. And understanding is crucial for many people. If you have had a very painful experience, write one sentence and sit with this sentence and cry. Then write another sentence and sit and cry. In time this process will relieve some of the sensitive pain around your experience and eventually make it endurable. With time, the pain around the situation will lesson, as long as you allow yourself to feel it.
Have a good laugh to release your emotions.
"The old saying that 'laughter is the
best medicine. "
Enjoy Yoga Laughter.
It’s time to get serious about laughter, especially when it comes to your health. A good belly laugh can help keep the doctor away. Laughter is a spontaneous way of releasing emotions. There’s an inner relief. When you laugh, you feel lighter and naturally relaxed.
Laughter is now being prescribed as the best medicine for wellness. Countless studies have validated the efficacy of laughter and its therapeutic power in dealing with physical, mental and emotional health. With enormous physiological and psychological benefits, it is the most powerful remedial tool that has the ability to dramatically change the perspective of life by quickly relieving stress and depression and elevating mood states. It also helps to get in touch with reality and control emotions and feelings under adverse situations. Besides healing the mind and mitigating emotional pain, laughter even alleviates physical pain due to injury and disease and helps in speedy recovery.
Laughter is most effectively used in Laughter Yoga, which is the fastest growing health and fitness exercise routine. Thousands of practitioners around the world have reported remarkable improvement in health conditions. Based on unconditional laughter, it does not rely on humor or comedy, which makes it the easiest and the simplest exercise to rejuvenate the body mind system.
There are times in our lives when our spirit simply
wants to scream out the truth.
We long for the
courage to release the cries of our soul as we are
confronted with the mysteries of living and loving,
of letting go and moving on. We dare to speak out
loud the long held secrets of our soul rather than
allow them to continue to ferment within. It
is in giving them a voice that we come to know the
quieter, simpler places that have always been beneath
Go some place where you can yell at the top of your lungs.
Sometimes it helps when you go into an empty room, or go for a drive alone, and scream, scream as loudly as you can. Scream the words you feel need to come out .So many people have never screamed out their hurt, their rage. Continue to do this as long as it feels right inside. Cry, allow yourself to cry your feeling.
If you cannot scream aloud, imagine you are screaming your rage, hurt, and pain. Imagine it, see it, and hear it, and especially, feel it as deeply as you can.
Sit in a comfortable chair, close your eyes, put your head back, and relax as best you can. Do the following exercise for 10 deep breaths. Concentrating on your breathing, inhale on the count of six, hold this breath to the count of six, exhale to the count of six, and rest to the count of six, then begin again. If the count of six is too difficult try the count of four or five. Concentrate fully on your process of breathing only. Keep doing this exercise until you feel more relaxed and your head noises have gone away.
Then slowly look for the emotion; find where it is buried in your body. All repressed emotions rest in your body and at times in the aura as well. Anger rests around your belly button area but it can also be seen as a black thread-like substance all through the body. Sadness sits in the midriff area. Emotions can rest anywhere in your body including the muscles, ligaments, in bone joints. Take your time, find your emotion.
Then take time to really see what this emotion looks like. I had a huge amount of sadness and when I finally found it I saw that it was the shape of a large mass of clouds, clouds so dense and thick that you couldn’t begin to even dent them. These clouds were a very dark gray color.
Once you have found your emotion, and described it to yourself, stay with it, hold it, be with it. Do not try to do anything to it – VERY IMPORTANT - just be with it. By being with it you begin to integrate this emotion into your very consciousness and this is the next step in releasing your emotion. As you go back to visit your buried emotion week after week you will find the shape getting smaller and smaller, until eventually it just disappears. It takes many months to transmute an emotion in this way, but it is a powerful manner to release emotions. This is what “transmuting emotions” means.
Resentment is an acid that damages its container."
"Resentment presents an incredible opportunity for growth."
A resentment is a recurring anger where, on a recurring basis, we keep thinking about something someone has done to us, reliving all the particulars around this situation, with ongoing anger, hate, hurt, or whatever the emotion might be.
Pray for the person you are resenting. Wish for this person every wonderful thing you would want to have in your most perfect life. Wish them blessing and good fortune in all things. In time, this type of a prayer will release you from your resentment. This could be difficult. You can also write about this person. Write all the negative qualities you see in this person. Then write about all the positive qualities you see in this person. Eventually, by writing about the different qualities, a shift will occur within you, bringing you peace of mind.
There is a seductive, addictive pleasure in self-righteous resentment, which leaves a terrible hangover.
You can write about the situation, what the person did to you and how it affected you, how it made you feel. Write about how you reacted to this situation, what you said and what you did. When we accept responsibility for our own behavior, the resentment often disappears.
The Power of Prayer:
Certain emotions just hang on, regardless what you do. When human effort fails to produce the desired change, then its time to hand this over to the God of your understanding or the Divine Spirit of the Universe. Ask in prayer, that the emotion be lifted from you. My own personal experience has proved to me that this works, when all human effort has failed.
There is one thing that I have included in my prayers for many years, asking for a grateful heart. In my late 20s, I was in deep emotional pain and did not believe life was worth living. I was taught to look for things in my life that I could be grateful for, regardless of the difficulty. It was hard to do this when I was in such emotional pain, but it was essential to my healing. This prayer for a grateful heart has stayed with me for the past 30 years. And today I do have a grateful heart. Being very human, it disappears at times, but it returns when my energy goes there.
Shifting Your Perspective:
Life brings injustice, abuse, bad luck, and emotions of hurt, anger, self-pity, and depression. It’s quite easy to look at what others have done that you consider being wrong, and these wrongs are very real. It’s not as easy to look at your response to the real wrong or injustice done to you. Someone might have demeaned you and degraded you. Did you punish them in some manner for their behavior? Was your response to the situation a healthy and loving response? Emotions around injustice of any kind are complex. Once we accept personal responsibility for our responses, the emotions around a given situation tend to lose their hold over us. It’s important to honor that an injustice has occurred. But it’s equally important to be ready to release that from your life, which involves looking at your own behavior, and accepting responsibility for your own actions.
When your emotions are running high and you are having difficult reducing the intensity, try to detach yourself from the situation and the emotion. Try to imagine the same situation happening to someone else. Try to see if the behavior would be the same if someone else were in your situation. If the answer is yes then you can begin to see that the experience is not necessarily being focused at you. The other person is probably acting unconsciously, and you just happen to be the individual “in their way”. Detaching yourself in this manner can help you move through very difficult situations without taking the abuse personally. You might need to terminate the situation causing the emotions, but your detachment allows you to look at things more rationally and quietly.
Knowing Your Fears: See Fear: Fear
What are the fears underlying your emotions? You will need to know and understand your fears. To do this you will have to swallow some pride and admit and accept that you have many fears that are affecting what you do each day. These fears are often not at the conscious level. Are you afraid of being alone; abandonment; the unknown; adventure; losing face; ridicule; not having enough money; loneliness; death; suffering; losing prestige; not being honored for your work and effort; losing your wife or husband – the list is endless?
Fears are tricky things. There are some that you need to ignore and just act as if you were not afraid. For example, if you’re afraid to say no, your fear will leave as you begin to say no when you need to say no. At times it’s like exercising a muscle. The more you use it the easier it gets. Other fears are a healthy warning that something is very wrong. For example, a person might be afraid of another person. This fear might be the signal to avoid that person, to leave the relationship.
As you become aware of your fears and own them to be truly yours, a day will come when you will notice that one of them has somehow disappeared. That’s the way it is with fear. As you live a life in tune with your emotions, a life focused on coming from that place of love, you will find that many of your fears will just disappear.
The Misery Chair
A wise proverb goes "You can't keep misery from coming, but you don't have to give it a chair to sit on."
Continual negative thinking about your trials and tribulations sets up a victim belief pattern in the mind. To break a pattern of feeling sorry for yourself, literally give your misery a chair to sit on! When you are unhappy about something, why not revel in being unhappy until you get good and tired of your miserable state.
To captivate on your misery, designate a misery chair in your house.
Choose an uncomfortable chair that does not fit your body. Perhaps you can find a wooden chair with no pillows that is too tall or short for your body frame. Place your new acquisition, the misery chair, in an out of the way place in your home that is dull and boring. If you are going to be miserable, then you might as well be as miserable as you can be!
Every time you start to feel sorry for yourself, watch what is going on in your mind. After a spell of observing how you pull yourself down with depressing thoughts and anxiety, take yourself off to the misery chair. Catch yourself in the act of becoming unhappy and give yourself a choice - either stop the objectionable thoughts at once or go sit in the misery chair. The key is to make a commitment to make yourself go and sit if you don't stop on the first warning. This challenge will be a test of whether you really want to decrease the amount of time you spend with depressive thoughts. If you really want to make changes in your thinking patterns, then make the agreement with yourself to sit in the misery chair as an exercise of self observation and change.
Watch how your mind plays tricks on you to keep you in your misery! Listen to yourself and what you say and think as different events happen during the day. Consciously monitor your verbal and nonverbal reactions to get a better understanding of how you view the world and yourself. If you find the victim in yourself as you age with the aches and pains, beware--the victim in you will define your existence to make sure that you live a life of misery.
Moving out of victim hood is taking one's own personal power. Your life will be sufficient and happy to the extent you deal with the victim thoughts. Take data on your thought and speech patterns. Be aware of the discomfort in your body when you say certain things and act in certain ways that are not consistent with who you really are. Our bodies provide marvelous feedback in terms of feelings of embarrassment, anxiety and even physical symptoms when what we say or do does not fit.
Paracelsus said, "As man imagines himself to be, so shall he be, and he is that which he imagines." As a woman thinketh, so she is. Clean up your life by cleaning up your negative thinking and language. Energy follows thought. You actually become what you think. Say and think only what you want to become true in your life. If you don't want something to happen don't give it energy by thinking about it. Challenge yourself to use words which promote acceptance and tolerance instead of those which promote separation from your true self and from others. Learn to never say things which limit you or another person.
For example say " I made an error when I ..." rather than "I am bad, stupid, etc." State undesirable characteristics about yourself as temporary conditions or lessons to be learned rather than absolute facts. The "I am ____ and that's it" type statements can be modified to include a time frame that takes into account that you are learning something new or the lack of effort that you are willing to put into something to change it. In this framework, "I am fat" could be changed to "I'm temporarily fat" Or "I'm food choices challenged." "I'm no good in Math" could be changed to "I'm just not willing to spend the time and effort to balance my checkbook." When nagging, critical self-statements creep into your thoughts, change them by making an immediate positive affirmation.
Listen to your language for words which limit you rather than affirm and empower you. Words like "can't, never could, trying to, hope or plan to" all suggest the possibility of failure. Don't let your language limit you in any way. Positive statements about yourself will be more powerful when put in a forthright fashion in the present tense. "I am going to___" is a much stronger statement than "I plan or hope to ____ or I'll try to___." The affirmative phrases "I am ___" and "I will ___" are declarations that have a hearty energy of accomplishment to them.
If you can't bring your misery thoughts under control then it's off to the misery chair for you.
When you sit in the misery chair, give yourself permission to be as miserable as you can be. Bring your unhappy thoughts to your full conscious mind. Go to it with a vengeance. No pleasant thoughts here! As you sit in the chair, feel the physical discomfort of your body that matches the mental discomfort of your mind. Set a time limit on how long you want to be miserable. Beware what kind of thoughts cause your mood to shift downward into anxiety and depression. Allow yourself a set time--five minutes of misery per episode should be a reasonable amount. You might even remain in the misery chair a minute longer than you need, to get the full effect of how you are choosing to victimize yourself.
After making yourself good and miserable, you may decide that you have had enough and go on about your business as usual. You might even start charting how many minutes a day that you are sitting in the chair. The idea is to beat your own record by spending less and less every day. The challenge of this exercise is to clean out your mental attic of cobwebs of victim thoughts and words.