Forgiveness Can Change Your Life
Forgiveness is a Living Breathing Energy.
Unforgiveness can be a leading cause for cancer
When people learn they have cancer, after the shock and disbelief wear off, they look for ways to fight the disease. They find an oncologist and begin treatment. However, before they’re able to truly move forward, they may have to take a look back. One path to healing emotionally from cancer is through forgiveness and healing emotional wounds.
Those who hold onto anger and hurt, tend to have poor health, a weakened immune system and are more prone to chronic illness such as cancer. This is due to a rise in the level of the stress hormone cortisol that suppresses the immune system.
"When you hold onto the bitterness for years (consciously or unconsciously), it stops you from living your life fully. As it turns out, it wears out your immune system and hurts your heart" Bitterness makes you sick! Bitterness is like cancer that keeps growing until it consumes you.
Forgiveness is the process of releasing feelings of resentment, hurt or anger for past wrongs. Many people living with cancer feel they need to forgive another person or themselves in their life for something that happened in the past. They may have been mistreated by a family member or betrayed by a close friend. Sometimes, the person they need to forgive is themselves. Some people with cancer blame themselves for past decisions or lifestyle choices.
Forgiveness is especially important when people are fighting an illness like cancer. Now, more than ever, they need to focus on healing. The benefits of forgiveness may be experienced on many levels, including theological (a person’s relationship with God), relational (a person’s relationship with others) and biological (a person’s physical well-being).
Specifically, forgiveness may help to:
- Reduce stress
- Reduce chronic pain
- Increase immune function
- Decrease depression and anxiety
- Improve spiritual well-being
- Promote self-confidence
- Improve relationships with others
Like so many things in life, forgiveness is easier to describe than to accomplish. It can be difficult to let go of the anger or hurt inside. Forgiveness can be especially challenging when, deep down, you don't believe the person is entitled to it. Yet, forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning or excusing the wrongdoing. Though it may be difficult to conceive of, forgiveness is for the patient.
When people hold onto anger, bitterness and resentment, it prevents them from living their lives fully. They become so wrapped up in their past hurts that they can’t enjoy the present. They may become anxious, depressed, or disconnected from others. When they aren’t able to release these feelings, they’re the ones who suffer.
Sometimes the hurt goes as far back as childhood and is deeply buried and the person with cancer only becomes slowly aware of the suppression of unresolved feelings when they start their journey of emotional healing. Emotional toxicity of any kind is likely one of the causes of cancer. Forgiveness, if used with appropriate treatments and lifestyle changes that address the physical, is a 'first-line' primary treatment.
According to leading alternative cancer treatment researcher Lothar Hirneise, forgiveness is a primordial quality to develop for cancer patients.
Dr Bernie Siegel (Yale Medical School - Clinical Professor of Surgery): "I have collected 57 extremely well documented so-called cancer miracles. At a certain particular moment in time they decided that the anger and the depression were probably not the best way to go, since they had such little time left. And so they went from that to being loving, caring, no longer angry, no longer depressed, and able to talk to the people they loved. These 57 people had the same pattern. They gave up, totally, their anger, and they gave up, totally, their depression, by specifically a decision to do so. And at that point the tumors started to shrink."
There are 3 aspects of forgiveness:
- Forgiving ourselves
- Being forgiven and
- Forgiving others.
You might have be very hurt and upset about things that have happened in the past, things that may truly have been someone else's fault. Or they may have been your fault. It may takes you many years to work through a trauma from the past. Since you are ill with cancer and the one who is feeling these feelings, you need to be the one that lets them go as well to release the toxic emotions from your body and your soul.
Forgiveness is such an important subject that I feel compelled to spend some time explaining its significance. When we hold something unforgiving inside, we are nurturing anger, hatred and resentment or maybe even guilt. These emotions lock us into the moment, continually reliving events, over time all this emotion can become suppressed into the subconscious, but they are still there, consuming our mental and life energy. Until we release ourselves from this cycle, it may prove impossible to move forward.
Let us go on a journey...
The journey begins with a universal reality – a hurt. Someone or something has hurt us. It may be a small hurt or it may be an unbearably grievous one. I believe that most people’s issues can be traced to hurts – starting with parents, siblings, extended families, teachers, friends, colleagues in workplaces, bosses and supervisors, spouses and children. And hurt, once experienced, needs to be healed. It will not go away on its own. To heal our hurts we need to smoothen the grooves they have carved in our consciousness and return to freedom.
Forgiveness is a Hero's Journey.
Few people have what it takes to travel this path. They'd rather whine and complain about their problems and how hard they have it. How the whole world is against them. How it's never their fault...
Few people have the resolve. Only you can decide. Just keep in mind your goal in life is to become more of who you are, and less of who you are not. You're fighting yourself until you forgive.
- Forgiveness is the difference between living a good life, and a life filled with painful burdens and bitter resentment. It's a way to lubricate and reduce the friction of life.
- Forgiveness is not about changing the past. It's about changing the future. You didn't come here to perpetuate your past; to drag it along behind you like a mule. You're here to use your past as a stepping stone to a better future.
The attitude of forgiveness can be learned and can lead people to experience better mental, emotional and physical health. The Stanford Forgiveness Project trained 260 adults in forgiveness in a 6-week course.
- 70% reported a decrease in their feelings of hurt
- 13% experienced reduced anger
- 27% experienced fewer physical complaints (for example, pain, digestion problems, dizziness, etc.)
Recent studies confirm that hostility and resentment tear down your immune system and double your risk of heart attack, cancer and even diabetes.
To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.
Bitterness makes you sick! Bitterness is like cancer that keeps growing until it consumes you. To forgive someone, you don't have to agree with what they did. You just have to want your life to work. Forgiveness does not necessarily reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace.
Is it easy? Usually not. But you don't forgive people for their benefit. You do it for your benefit.
Think about your own life. I'm sure you've got your own story to tell - your own painful situation that needs healing. Forgiveness has to be a part of it. No matter how bad it was - no matter how bad it is - forgiveness can make all the difference in the world.
We've all been hurt by another person at some time or another. And while this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for too long. We remember the pain and hurt and carry it with us everywhere we go. When pain becomes severe, the weight of it pulls us down. We feel weak and it consumes our life. It even creates a wall between us and our intimacy within us. This causes problems. It not only causes us to be unhappy, but can strain or ruin relationships, distract us from work and family and other important things, make as reluctant to open up to new things and people. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt and miss out on the beauty of life as it happens. We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and to be happy.
When we forgive, we feel relieved of the burden of the past. We shed away our hurt, pain, anger and loneliness. We begin to heal – that is the first step.
When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” Catherine Ponder
Forgiveness resolves the past so you can live happily in the present. No one can change the past, but you do have the power to upgrade how you feel about it, and that makes all the difference. The first thing you must do on the healing path is to forgive yourself and others for the place in which you find yourself.
You can take your power back from all those painful memories, and make peace with your past. Forgiveness heals the guilt and the hurt, and does this quietly, privately, and thoroughly. Forgiveness does not mean that you let anyone off the hook, it means that your present happiness is more important than your past suffering. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone the hurtful things done to you, it means that you reclaim your right to run your own life.
Right now those hurtful things are running your life, and how is that working for you? The people who hurt you may have ruined your yesterdays, but only you are in charge of your tomorrows. And if you feel guilt over people that you have hurt, forgiving yourself will heal you and allow you to move forward with a happier attitude and a healthier body.
Forgiveness undoes the stickiness that binds you to all those unhappy yesterdays, and this returns your personal energy to your present life.
By forgiveness we mean releasing blame, lifting from yourself any ill feelings you have toward yourself or others, any shame you feel. Give this gift of forgiveness to yourself today, for you cannot progress on this path without it. If you carry the heavy stones of unforgiveness in your heart, if you carry the burden of shame over your body, you cannot progress on the healing path. It is the first important step and one you must perform not only today, but over and over, as you forget to forgive and instead succumb to the old habits of blame and shame.
When we hold on to grudges, we eat the seeds of bitterness and resentment. These toxic emotions can depress the immune system, eventually taking a toll on your health.
Caroline Myss, PhD, author of Anatomy of the Spirit and Why People Don't Heal: She calls forgiveness our "cellular bank account." She writes: "Holding on to the negative events of our histories is expensive - prohibitively so." And forgiveness, she says, is the only way to get out of debt.
Forgiveness can change your life.
Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past, or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behavior - you cannot control that. All it means is that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place.
So what stops us to forgive others or ourselves?
Not forgiving makes us feel righteous and gives us power over to others. We hold on to our pain because it identifies who we are; it gives us an excuse for behaving the way we do. It has become such a familiar feeling that - regardless of its self - destructive nature we cannot let it go. Yet, we must let it go if we want to move forward.
Some people are holding on to hurt because they thing it is right in doing so. They think forgiving the perpetrator would mean endorsing the behaviour, so they feel justified in their anger and hurt.
Another thing that comes in the way is the conditioning most of us internalise that we must forgive. That compulsion weighs us down and prevents us from acknowledging that perhaps we are not ready to forgive.
Forgiveness is a process.
Its opening movement is most often an unwillingness or inability to do so. It takes time to forgive and it is okay not to forgive. It may be that others around you will urge you to forgive. Ignore their counsel, well meant though it may be. The time will come when you will want to. Until then, the more you try, the less you are actually able to. And the guilt will further cripple your progress.
How then do we move towards forgiveness?
There comes a time when we are no longer willing to pay the price of unhappiness; when we tired of having our minds and hearts clogged with the toxin of anger, hate and hurt. We recognise that unforgiveness actually gives enormous power to the offenders. They take possession of our minds and other spaces. We think of them obsessively. Anything we see or do reminds us of them or the hurt they did to us. Prolonged lack of forgiveness can have many repercussions for us at the mental and physical level. Our freedom is infringed and our very nature tainted by its existence.
At the physical level, lack of forgiveness can lead to grave consequences. Says Louise Hay in her book, You Can Heal Your Life, “I believe we create every so-called illness in our body.” She adds, “Cancer is a dis-ease caused by deep resentment held for a long time until it literally eats away at the body.” Even conservative allopaths maintain that lots of our illnesses have a psycho-somatic basis.
By not forgiving we close our heart chakra, thereby closing the flow of love. When we forgive, we can actually feel a lightness in the heart chakra, and even the flow of love within us quickens. Spiritually too, the inability to forgive will debar us from further growth. We have no option but to flush out every last smidgeon of conditioning lurking in our system if we want to attain freedom, joy and peace.
It is when we see and deeply experience the harm that our anger, hurt and resentment cause us, that we begin the movement to forgive. Once the healing is done, most agree that forgiveness is a happening; there is no portentous sense of forgiving another with all its implications of self-righteousness.
There is a difference between Forgive and Forget
Forgiveness is not something that we do for others, it is something done for our own selves, for our own inner peace for our own higher good. Real forgiveness is not remembering hurt. The Act of Forgiveness is a Choice.
What people often do, is faking Forgiveness, which is nothing else but nurturing their or other people anger, frustration, hate or guilt. It’s almost like a boulder that you carry around for the rest of the life. By shouting words of peace, love and forgiveness, you're not able move on with your life without truly learning how to FORGIVE. Your frustration in you is growing over the years; you have to learn how to FORGIVE - yourself.
FORGET has nothing to do with FORGIVING. All you do is suppressing the pain inside you. When you actually FORGIVE, you do NOT feel the pain, anger and frustration or even hatred. When you FORGIVE you feel a peace within yourself. To do this, all you need to do is ACCEPT what actually has or is taken place in your life and let it go, without putting blame on anyone.
Most people have a difficulties to FORGIVE other people and situations, which involving their friends, partners, families, social, racial, sexual, political, religious, emotional areas of life. What usually people doing is keeping all of their thoughts and emotions inside as their emotional baggage filled with negative energy that never have been realized. You may not realize, but this "baggage" may prevent you from succeeding your goals in life.
If we choose to ACCEPT the good and release the bad, we are able to maintain control over our lives and keep our sense of direction.
If however we focus on the bad things that have happened to us then these will simply grow, continually manifesting our own dark thoughts and divert us from seeking what we really want. If you or your life is "stuck", then it is well worth looking back to see if there is anything unforgiving in your past.
Almost every person is looking for excuses in their own wrongdoing eventually made-up some stories or judging others for their own misfortunes. Eventually all of these negative thoughts are turning into negative emotions, produce by you and not someone else. It doesn't necessary mean someone has done you wrong, often this is your own negative energy that you have produced over the years and is now affecting your life. The same negative emotions having an impact on your body, your mind and life.
A person who is not “FOR - GIVING” is only hurting himself or herself.
Forgiveness and Forgive is a choice. When you are holding a grudge to a bits of peaces, you are actually not letting fully go with pain or that person. You are actually NOT FORGIVING someone for their action. You are actually still holding to these hurtful feelings. This self-act robs you of energy, that you could use for something better, more productive in life. Whatever the final decision you will make, will have a impact on your life.Be compassionate toward everyone involved, including yourself.
To truly FORGIVE someone, you have to give up all the rights to be use against that person in the future.
You can NOT any longer hold anything they did against you or others. And that mean, accepting a person the way they're, with not judging them, just letting them live their life. You can NOT any longer think or talk about them in negative terms or any terms. It’s no reason for. If you reach that state, you know you FORGIVE someone and yourself.
This is a simple act; all you have to do is make the choice and Forgive as absolute. One common mistake people doing, is to ask someone else, or God to forgive them for wrongdoing. Realize, no saint and no God or friend will do it for you. You are the one who need to do it yourself. Can you do this?
One of the hardest, thorniest and most difficult things we humans are ever called upon to do is to respond to rudeness with kindness, and to forgive the unforgivable. We love to read stories about people who've responded to hatred with love, but when that very thing is demanded of us personally, our default seems to be anger, angst, depression, righteousness, hatred, etc. Yet study after study shows that one of the keys to good health is to develop a habit of gratitude and let go of past hurts.
You are the one with the ability to move forward into the life you deserve and the life that you want. But instead of being held down by the chains and the weight of your past, you need to let go. When this weight is off your shoulders, you will find that you can run faster toward your goals than ever before.
Forgiveness is real. It's a flow of energy that's always on. Like a waterfall. You can sit and wait for the waterfall to come to you, or you can go to the waterfall. To bathe in the pure cleansing flow.
You can let the energy of forgiveness wash away all the grit and the grime. All the burdens. Let it lift you and heal you. Let it set you free.
You didn't come here to spend a lifetime suffering. You came here to rise above. Forgiveness is the stepping stone that can lift you to a whole new level of existence.
- Forgiveness is letting go of the pain and accepting what has happened, because it will not change.
- Forgiveness is dismissing the blame. Choices were made that caused the hurt; we each could have chosen differently, but we didn't.
- Forgiveness is looking at the pain, learning the lessons it has produced, and understanding what we have learned. Forgiveness allows us to move on towards a better understanding of universal love and our true purpose.
- Forgiveness knows that love is the answer to all questions, and that we all are in some way connected.
- Forgiveness is starting over with the knowledge that we have gained. I forgive you, and I forgive myself. I hope you can do the same.
To forgive someone does not mean that that you condone their behavior simply that you forgive them, and release them. By releasing and forgiving them, you release yourself.
There may well be memories we are unable to put out of mind, but we choose not to allow them to control our attitudes and behaviour in the future, even toward those who may be responsible for those memories.
The point of forgiving others is not to change or fix the behavior of this person but to heal your heart, to release the resentment you feel towards this person so you can move on with your life feeling peace and serenity.
Some people hold onto their anger, refusing to forgive or let go. They will never move on until they do. In fact quite the reverse, by allowing such emotions to ferment inside, they grow and can become all - consuming, their whole life becoming defined by whatever the event was. They are no longer in control of their life or living the life they want. They are living a life that is directed by their anger and hurt. How our lives are, is often a reflection of our reactions to the ups and downs of life.
- Realize that the hate you feel toward your enemy does not harm him or her in the slightest.
What other people think, say or do is their stuff and your reaction to their thoughts, words or deeds is your stuff. No matter what people said or did, grant them the right to do so. It was their territory, not yours. And what you feel or felt about their words or actions is your business, it is an internal affair, not to be vented on them. This learning has taken me many years to internalise but I am reaching a stage where I can process my reactions within instead of at the world. By freeing the other of responsibility for my reactions, I am actually freeing myself of any power they may have held over me.
Taking responsibility for our feelings is a crucial step in the management of all hurt, small or big. As long as we blame another for our problem we will linger in victimisation, unable to move forward.
Chances are, your enemy has gone on with life and hasn't given you another thought. Look at the situation from an eagle's eye. When you refuse to Forgive someone, they go on living their life, with no effect on their thoughts and emotions.
They may not even know they’ve done something wrong to you. While you are living in your misery, nurturing negative feelings. Realize, all you do is punishing yourself. Why would you do this to yourself?
So often, its only your assumption about someone’s negative action or their thoughts and your fully knowledge of the situation. Have you ever thought that you could be wrong by plotting negative thought? Realize, it takes more energy from you to carry on this anger and frustration than move on with your life. When you actually FORGIVE, you are suddenly having a more energy for yourself, and you should instantly feel much happier and better about yourself (your brain chemicals are instantly changing).
Make a list of the good things that emerged as a result of this disturbing experience.
You've probably focused long enough on the negative parts of this experience. Look at the problem from a completely new angle; look at the positive side. The first item on that list may be long overdue because you have focused on the negative for so long. See if you can identify 10 positive outcomes of this experience. Look at the bigger picture.
It does not matter if you are Christian, Buddhist, Muslim or Jew, God's forgiveness is always there in principle, but it's not there in practice until you forgive others for the mistakes they have made. In the world of forgiveness, what goes around comes around.
If you want to have God's forgiveness roll through your life, you must send forgiveness to everyone else first. God will unleash the power of his forgiveness the instant you forgive everyone who has done you wrong.
Until you forgive others, you will not find forgiveness for yourself.
It's that simple. Many people engage in a spiritual delusion trying to get forgiveness from God while they harbor resentment toward others. This never works, because God's forgiveness cannot do its cleansing work until you forgive the people who have done wrong to you. God will never let you do an end run around the resentment that you have in your heart and mind.
If your heart is hard, and you carry heavy burdens, there is only one way to lift the load.
Every ounce of forgiveness you dispense to others lifts a ton off the burden that you must bear. Others don't need forgiveness nearly as much as you need it yourself.
As the years pass, you accumulate a mountain of trash and toxic waste in your mind. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. If you let them accumulate for a lifetime, your burden becomes unbearable.
When you forgive your enemies, your burdens instantly disappear. Forgiveness is better than magic, because it's not a trick. It's the real thing. It does everything it's advertised to do. When you look at people who have carried burdens of resentment and blame for fifty years, you see the price they pay for ignoring this law. They grow into bitter and hardhearted people. They aren't rugged individualists with a smile on their face. They are worn out and broken down from carrying unnecessary burdens.
There isn't enough room in your heart for both resentment and God's forgiveness. It's one or the other, and you decide which it will be. Forgiveness is a package deal. If you don't forgive others, then resentment will block the healing power of God's love and forgiveness in your own heart.
With other words, we are not excepting God to do the work for us.
Be patient and kind to yourself.
If you've ruminated over this problem for a long time, steering this boat into a new direction could take some time, too. As you try to make a new path out of the dark woods of this old hurt, you'll make mistakes. Forgive yourself. Be patient and kind to yourself. Extreme emotional pain has a profound effect on the body. Give yourself time to heal – physically and emotionally. Eat well. Rest. Focus on the natural beauty in the world. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions and process them. Don't bottle up the pain.
The word for "forgive" means literally to "untie."
Untie the bindings and loosen yourself from the person who has hurt you badly, from ugliness of that person. Your hatred has tied you to the person responsible for your pain. Your forgiveness enables you to start walking away from him or her and the pain.
Forgiveness is for you and not the other party. Freeing yourself through forgiveness is like freeing yourself from chains of bondage or from prison.
Stop telling "the story."
"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re - reading the last one."
How many times this week did you tell "the story" about how badly you were hurt and how horribly you were wronged? How many times a day do you think about this hurt? It is a stake driven into the ground that keeps you from moving away from this hurt. Rather, forgive your enemy because it's the kindest thing you can do for your friends and family. Negativity is depressing - physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
Tell "the story" from the other person's perspective.
Actually imagine that you are the other person (the one who offended you) and use the word "I" when saying what that person would say. You, most likely, don't know exactly what s/he was thinking when this event unfolded but pretend that you do, and just go with the story that comes up in your head. Sit down with a friend, or maybe even the person you are trying to forgive, and tell the story as though you are that person. It is important to do this verbally or to write this into your journal and not just in your head. Realize in advance that this is not an easy exercise, but it holds great power. Your willingness to tell the story from the offender's perspective requires an effort at forgiveness. Also, realize that this is not a contradiction to the preceding paragraph since this perspective will change your story.
Peace - Retrain your thinking.
When your enemy and his or her actions come to mind, send him or her a blessing. Wish your “enemy” well. Hope the best for him or her. This has two effects. One, it neutralizes that acid of hate that destroys the vessel in which it is stored. The evil we wish for another seems to have a rebound effect.
The same is true for the good that we wish for another. When you make yourself able to return blessing for hatred, you'll know that you're well on the path to wholeness. The first 15 or 150 times you try this, the "blessing" may feel contrived, empty, and even hypocritical but keep trying. Eventually, it will become a new habit and soon thereafter, the anger and pain that has burned in your heart will evaporate, like dew in the morning sun. This technique forces your mind to overcome the cognitive dissonance between hating someone and acting with compassion toward him or her. Since there is no way to take back the kind gesture to agree with your hatred, the only thing your mind can do is change your belief about the person to match. You will begin to say to yourself, "S/he is deserving of a blessing, and indeed, must need one very much."
While the "evil" actions of your "enemy" are hurtful to you and your immediate surroundings, the rest of the world goes on unaware. Validate their meaning in your life, but never lose perspective that others are not involved and do not deserve anything to be taken out on them. Your enemy is someone else's beloved child, someone's employee, or a child's parent.
Remember to forgive everyone, especially yourself.
You have punished yourself long enough. Self forgiveness stops the overwhelming feelings of guilt that obstruct your happiness. Ask yourself: What was my crime? How long ago did that happen? Am I still doing stuff like that? If I had been imprisoned for it, would I be out by now? You have likely already punished yourself way too much, and it is time to grant yourself a full pardon.
Remember, life is in the now; the past is already finished and dead and cannot be changed.
Nothing you can do now, can ever change the past. In this moment now, you have your power, the power to make your choices, take your action, to make a difference. You have no power in the past and you have no assurance of power in the future. If you want to feel free, released from the past then you must forgive. Forgive everyone, especially yourself.
Realize you have a choice.
You cannot control the actions of others, and shouldn’t try. But you can control not only your actions, but your thoughts. You can stop reliving the hurt, and can choose to move on. You have this power. You just need to learn how to exercise it.
Commit to letting go.
You aren’t going to do it in a second or maybe not even in a day. It can take time to get over something. So commit to changing, because you recognize that the pain is hurting you.
Think about the pros and cons.
What problems does this pain cause you? Does it affect your relationship with this person? With others? Does it affect work or family? Does it stop you from pursuing your dreams, or becoming a better person? Does it cause you unhappiness? Think of all these problems, and realize you need to change. Then think of the benefits of forgiveness - how it will make you happier, free you from the past and the pain, improve things with your relationships and life in general.
Try this: put yourself in that person’s shoes. Try to understand why the person did what he did. Start from the assumption that the person isn’t a bad person, but just did something wrong. What could he have been thinking, what could have happened to him in the past to make him do what he did? What could he have felt as he did it, and what did he feel afterward? How does he feel now? You aren’t saying what he did is right, but are instead trying to understand and empathize.
Understand your responsibility.
Try to figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what happened. What could you have done to prevent it, and how can you prevent it from happening next time? This isn’t to say you’re taking all the blame, or taking responsibility away from the other person, but to realize that we are not victims but participants in life.
Focus on the present.
Now that you’ve reflected on the past, realize that the past is over. It isn’t happening anymore, except in your mind. And that causes problems - unhappiness and stress. Instead, bring your focus back to the present moment. What are you doing now? What joy can you find in what is happening right now? Find the joy in life now, as it happens, and stop reliving the past.
Allow peace to enter your life.
As you focus on the present, try focusing on your breathing. Imagine each breath going out is the pain and the past, being released from your body and mind. And imagine each breath coming in is peace, entering you and filling you up. Release the pain and the past. Let peace enter your life. And go forward, thinking no longer of the past, but of peace and the present.
Finally, forgive the person and realize that in forgiveness, you are allowing yourself to be happy and move on. Feel empathy for the person and wish happiness on them. Let love for them, and life in general, grow in your heart. It may take time, but if you’re stuck on this point, repeat some of the ones above until you can get here.