Letting Go - To Begin Your Life


 

 

 

Chapter 4: Letting go - to begin your life 

    → Let go of limiting beliefs

         ← anger assessments


Letting go:
  • Of the Past
  • Of Emotional Baggage
  • Of Old Stories
  • Of Resentments
  • Of Regrets
  • Of Guilt
  • Of Blaming Others and Yourself
  • Of People and Relationships
  • Of bad Habits


Allow yourself to let go …

Yesterday is gone and took away its tale. Today we must live a fresh story again. - Rumi


An Illness, like cancer is an opportunity to let go of the entire past of your life to make room for the future. Letting go and de - cluttering your life and mind is a profound key for healing.

Illness can be a great gift and an opportunity to let go of old beliefs, emotional baggage and habits and to change a thinking pattern that is not serving you anymore.

Letting go is just a total and repeated emptying of the mind and the emotions so that something else can come in and show you your way.

Make every day a new beginning of your life, and past mistakes mere handicaps that you are born with. Absorb the energy and possibilities of today. Acknowledge the simple beauty that can so easily be taken for granted, and look forward to another new beginning tomorrow. 


 


“Do everything with a mind that lets go. If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you will know complete peace and freedom. Your struggles with the world will have come to an end.”

"When pondering how the past affected us, we rarely look for Our effect on it. We think about what we were up against versus what we stood for. We remember what we feared but not what we dreamed. We ponder how much we were loved versus how much we loved. We think, why did all that happen to me? What did I get out of it? Where will it lead me? When perhaps we should wonder, what did I make happen? What did I give? Where will I direct myself now?"  - From the CHARGE by Brendan Burchard.  


                        Life's Golden Ticket

                  - by Brendan Burchard


          


          Text of the Golden Ticket's backside: 


WHEN YOU WHERE BORN a golden ticket was slipped into your soul's pocket by your Creator. The ticket gave you privileged access to a world of choices - it granted you permission to be whoever you wanted to be and to do whatever you wanted to do. You may not have known you were carrying this ticket all your life, but you were. Life's golden ticket is now in your hands. And now is your moment of truth. You can either stand still and live in the yesterday or you can step through the gates of possibility into life you were mend to live.

       

 The only price of admission is to release any anger, hurt, worry, or resentment tied to your old story and to have the clarity and strength to start anew. You can make new choices. You can live more fully. You can love more completely. You can make a greater difference.

Every moment is a second chance to unleash and claim the life of purpose and contribution that is your destiny. But be aware. The only promise in life is that soon the gates will close, as there are only so many moments left to live, love, and matter. Stand still or step forward? The choice, as it always has been, is yours. 

If you could sum up the secret to living a happy and meaningful life in 1-2 sentences, what would it be?



It’s not the letting go that hurts, it’s the holding on.” I observed many times that there is more pain delivered by holding on than by letting go. I think sometimes we hold onto pain and hurt because we do not know how to let go.

The first thing you need to remember in letting go is to make a commitment to letting go. You can say you are willing to let go, but you need to be willing and committed to let go. Ask yourself why you want to let go. Make a list of the reasons you want to let go, think of how it will feel, then commit to the change that will happen in your life once you let go.

        

 By holding on, we become prisoners of our past.  We hold on to pain, anger, rage, past hurt, failure, rejection and a host of other negative emotions. 

Much of today’s pain and anger we feel are from things in the past that we have chosen to hold onto.
So why do we hold on and why are we so attached?

We hold on because we truly believe that is what makes us happy. The very things we are attached to we feel if we let go of it, then we let go of a part of ourselves. Though somewhere we know this is not true, we hold it as truth.

Sometimes we hold onto things because it makes us feel connected while other times we hold onto things such as pain and anger because it is how we identify. I think for many, we hold on because we identify ourselves through pain. That’s right. Some people may hold onto emotional pain because they feel that is their identity. Who would we be without our pain?

         

Sadly, I think we tend to hold onto the hurt, the anger, the resentment, because we fear that if we could let it go effortlessly, then whoever caused the pain in the first place, would be getting away with what they said or did, too easily. So we end up holding on, which is essentially, hurting our own selves.

Finally we hold onto things because we do not know how to let go of past hurt. Rather than thinking about the past, and the injury, think about new and exciting things. Offer your energy to the new. It is hard to create something new when you are so busy holding onto the old.

         

Another helpful tip on letting go is to try and stop seeing the wrong in everything. It really makes us victims. If everything is wrong, then nothing is right. Let go of the wrong because it is like carrying extra baggage. You may find that letting go makes you feel weightless. Try it sometime, just let go and see how freeing it feels.

I know this is jargon you hear everywhere when someone says stay in the now. I get tired of hearing it too, however, I must confess, when I stay in the present moment, I am not really holding onto anything. Anger, resentment, and fear are hard to hold onto when you are just right here in the now. You see letting go of the ball and chain of pain, living in the now is easier. It is simpler.

Of course, one of the best ways you can let go is to forgive. (the power of forgiveness ) Think about where the hurt came from and begin to take steps in forgiveness. I know it is easier said than done, but forgiveness is an act of moving into a healthier you.


     


Life is way too short to hold onto the things that keep us weighted down. Really, death can come anytime and we are not guaranteed a certain amount of time. How do you want to spend your time? Do you want to spend it angry and hurt, or free and forgiving? When push comes to shove, that is really what it amounts to.

Finally, it is important to learn we cannot control it all. Sometimes we hold on because it feels like we have control. If you spend a lot of time belittling yourself for things you have done in the past or things that were done to you in the past you feel like you are in control. The truth is, when you do that, you are totally out of control. By letting go of situations you can't control or are unable to change, you allow people, places and things to be responsible for themselves, which takes a tremendous burden off you. By freeing yourself of this huge burden, you will appreciate life more for what it is. You will have the energy and strength to care for yourself and pursue your own interests. 

         

Letting go is self-healing. Through admitting that you are not omnipotent, infallible, omniscient or superhuman, you can allow yourself to take control over yourself once you let go of those things holding you down in a quicksand of non-coping, self-pity and "sick" behaviors.

Experiencing our new reality is the ultimate. We first do this in our minds, then our hearts, and then in physical reality by taking action. But the biggest part is holding our visions and beliefs so we don't "lose Heart". So long as we don't "lose Heart", action is easy.


     

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off...
It's the realization that I can't control another...
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
        Author unknown

 


         


What does letting go mean to you? 


For me, the goal of letting go, of reducing clutter, from my mind and my life, is to eliminate mercilessly the non-essentials and keep only what is needed. To speak metaphorically, it is like clearing the debris, the deadwood from the river of my life, to make sure the river can flow freely.  

       

Throughout the many years in my practice I saw the powerful effect when people started to stop the rambling thoughts in their brain and letting go of the past and old stuffy believe system. As soon as they started to discard anything in their environment, what did not support aliveness, what was depleting them, they gained precious energy for healing. They are not cured from their illness but they have gained a degree of control over their energy levels and life, which then added positive energy to boost the immune system.

Patients have told me often that having cancer forced them to look at how and with whom they spend their time and which people are general in their life. They took a serious look at their environment, at their past and also what they are telling themselves with the result, that each of them has gained extreme sensitivity to the effects of anything that drains their energy.

       

The rewards of making conscious choices about what you surround yourself with in your home, your clothing, the people in your life, how you spend your time, are enormous. The energy in your environment is directly affecting your prosperity, relationships, health and quality of life, because it affects your energy and that in turn determines what you attract. Like attracts like. If you are feeling bogged down and uninspired, that's what you will attract more of.


     


Letting go of the past, of unwanted things, habits, attitudes, limiting beliefs and even people is an ongoing process for anyone who wishes to live a healthy life and unfold spiritually. Allowing and accepting more of who you really are requires reflection and often involves some pain and suffering. Letting go requires loads of compassion for yourself and everyone around you.

     

The goal of letting go, of reducing clutter, from your mind and your life, it is to eliminate the non-essentials and keep only what is needed. When you want to gain freedom and inner peace you have to be ruthless, but compassionate with yourself. Explore your thoughts and feelings about anything what holds you back from moving forward. Start to investigate all your beliefs about yourself, your life and emotional dramas. Welcome with your compassionate heart all the disowned parts of yourself

Bring everything out from the shadow into the light. Turn your life for a while upside down, allow a blaze of fire to move through you to clear old sticky, limiting or damaging beliefs, habits, emotional baggage, regrets, toxic or worn out relationships, out of your mind and life. This may sounds cruel to you, but believe me, it is not. It’s like clearing out all the clutter you have accumulated throughout your life. Letting go of what does not serves you anymore is like a thorough spring clean.  It is liberating.

       

Unless you let go of those things over which you are powerless, you run the risk of burning out your emotional and physical energy, enthusiasm, spirit, resources and reserves. Letting go is an act by which you release your need to control every situation, person, place or thing in order to ensure that your sanity is not threatened.

It is such a human tendency to tightly clutch the things we have for fear of losing them. We even hold tight to negative beliefs, unhappy relationships, and unsatisfactory jobs. We do this out of fear. Fear that if we let go of what we have, we won’t find anything better, or even as good. Holding on to a situation that causes pain is the only truly wrong choice in life.

      

  • Letting go unhooks you since you have not let others' intimidation, manipulation, over - dependency or helplessness "hook" you into being a "fixer," "caretaker" or "rescuer".

  • Letting go means trusting that you are more than your roles, beliefs and stories. Many are reluctant to let go because they fear they will have nothing left. They cling to problems, unhealthy situations, and outworn roles and relationships because it feels safe in its familiarity. They don’t know who they are underneath. They haven’t experienced their true, authentic self, waiting to express its true nature in the world.

  • Letting go means admitting that you are not responsible to affect a change or correct a problem, which is beyond your competency, power, authority or responsibility.

  • Letting go releases you from being over responsible; it frees you up from obligations and the duty to make everything perfect in your life and the life of others. 

  • Letting go is allowing yourself to rid yourself of the perfectionistic need to control every aspect of your life so that nothing goes "wrong" in it.
  • Letting go is allowing yourself to be able to say "no" or "I can't" when faced with insurmountable problems out of your reach.

  • Letting go is self-healing. Through admitting that you are not omnipotent, infallible, omniscient or superhuman, you can allow yourself to take control over yourself once you let go of those things holding you down in a quicksand of non-coping, self-pity and "sick" behaviors.

  • Learning to let go of old habits, ideas, people who are not serving your best interests, and much more is not an easy task for anyone and requires a lot of self – compassion and kindness towards yourself.

  • Letting go means admitting that you are not responsible to affect a change or correct a problem, which is beyond your competency, power, authority or responsibility.

  • Letting go releases you from being over responsible; it frees you up from obligations and the duty to make everything perfect in your life and the life of others. 

  • Letting go is allowing yourself to rid yourself of the perfectionistic need to control every aspect of your life so that nothing goes "wrong" in it.

  • Letting go is allowing yourself to be able to say "no" or "I can't" when faced with insurmountable problems out of your reach.

Letting go is self-healing. Through admitting that you are not omnipotent, infallible, omniscient or superhuman, you can allow yourself to take control over yourself once you let go of those things holding you down in a quicksand of non-coping, self-pity and "sick" behaviors.


Experiencing our new reality is the ultimate. We first do this in our minds, then our hearts, and then in physical reality by taking action. But the biggest part is holding our visions and beliefs so we don't "lose Heart". So long as we don't "lose Heart", action is easy.

 

  


   Letting Go of the Past

Zoom the lens of your life’s camera in tight, look at this moment, hour, or day and commit to do your very best here and now.


Are you one of those who may from time to time get trapped in the past? I ask the question because in reality we’ve all been guilty, thinking of things that happened perhaps years ago and still here we are trying to solve whatever event took place, hoping and wishing things could have been different.

Your past has brought you where you are today, now it’s time to cross that bridge and move forward with faith! Life has so much more in store for you! 


Living in the past is not really living.


Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.

       

Clinging to old grievances, mulling over past mistakes and hurts consumes your thoughts, drains your energy and stops you in living your potential. Hanging on to negative past events is a process that can destroy your life in ways you're not even aware of.

Ask yourself these questions: Do the negative things you hang on to serve you any purpose? Do they help you move forward? Do they work in your favor in any way?

If you said no to any or all of the above then tell yourself this: This emotion/feeling doesn't help me so I'm letting it go and focusing on what is important. Then begin focusing on what you want next, focus on what is important and what can improve your life. This is a simple process that gets the mind moving in a new direction and you stop building negative energy created from the negative events/emotions, which only attracts more negative situations. When you begin focusing on more positive things you begin attracting positive situations.

         

Letting go can be frightening sometimes for the reason that the future is unknown. The past, miserable as it might have been, is known and thus one can more easily navigate through it, knowing at least what to expect, even if it is not great. Another hindrance to moving on in ones life is thinking you will lose some essential part of your identify, personality, friendships, family relations or other parts of yourself that you value. Know that if you truly embrace your future, this will not occur. In fact, when you move ahead and let go of your past, more, not less of your personality and gifts will manifest.

       

May-be you feel you’re just not ready to move on in life because of something that happened to you, something you haven’t been able to come to terms with, or get over, and you tell yourself that with just a little more time life will be different. There’s an immeasurable number of people who for whatever reason find it difficult, or even impossible to let go of the past, and in so doing waste much of their precious lives. I’m sure you’ve heard them yourself; “if only I could have done things differently,” "If only I could go back and put things right, everything would be ok." "If only I said, or not..." If only... The reality is – you can’t!


     


When you hold onto the past, it often has to do with fear: fear you messed up your chance at happiness, or fear you’ll never know such happiness again. Instead of thinking of what you did or didn’t do, the type of person you were or weren’t, do something worthwhile now. 


  • If you are unable to "let go" you could become so obsessed with the need to solve everything on your own that you run the risk of physical and emotional exhaustion.
  • If you are not able to let go you easily will be driven by the sense of failure, not being "good enough" or guilt for not      fixing the issues and become depressed and very hard in     your self-assessments until you believe that you are the failure who is out of control and needing to be changed into    a perfect, all powerful, infallible being.

By becoming so obsessed with the sense of shame, guilt, failure and incompetence in not being able to solve your unsolvable problems you will just exacerbate your low self - esteem.

I encourage you to shift your focus from some past experience, to the present; the "here and now", your mind will unconsciously let go of the past. This process may take a while and from time to time drift back, after your entire mind may have been used to this place, it might even feel comfortable there. You really won’t stop thinking about the past immediately, but as you constantly remind yourself you’re now here, in this present moment. Healing and letting go of the past is so important to your well being. This won’t happen overnight, but in time you can let the feelings from past events go and learn to live in the moment free from old pain and suffering.


     

When you get caught up in an event, which occurred in your past, whether you were right or you were wronged, whether it was fair or not, the event happened. And there is nothing you can do to change that.

Sometimes we wait for the person who wronged us to come and apologize. Sometimes we wait till we understand the ‘why’ behind whatever happened to us. Sometimes we wait till something happens to correct the wrong that happened in our lives. We wait … to be righted. We wait … for life to correct itself. When you wait for some conditions to be met before moving on with your life, you are actually putting your life and happiness on hold for something that may or may not happen. You are giving someone else the power over your happiness.

          

Sometimes things don’t go the way you want them to. You accept that and move forward to build a life you want. You don’t hold back hoping that everything will just sort out. If there is something you can learn from what happened, then learn. If there is something you can do about what happened, then take action. If there is something positive you can gain from this, then do that. Do everything you can and then let go … move on. Let go of your grief, your anger, your denial … let go of the event. If there is nothing you can gain from it, then too let go.

       

There is nothing more wrong than holding back your life for the event, which has wronged you, for the event, which has brought nothing but pain in your life. Your life deserves more. You deserve more. Allow yourself to move away and beyond the event, allow yourself to make peace with what happened, allow yourself to let go. These past events are not what’s happening to you now!’ They don’t exist today. But you do, you exist today and your health and future exists today too!

These are the things you need to focus on in order to leave the past behind. Some times letting go of that which no longer serves us not only heals us but also opens doors to that which awaits. To be able to move forward, you must learn to simply let go of the past and surrender. 


            


We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.

         

Don’t let the past haunt you. Every time you recall your past unhappiness you bring it to life again and all those old feelings come back to haunt you. Sometimes you might need some help from a skilled councillor or therapist to heal traumatic experiences in your life, particular if you experienced sexual, physical, emotional or verbal abuse, before you can move with your life.  Unhappy or hurtful past events can bring heartache, depression, and destructive behavior into your life if you don’t let them go. Especially when present events trigger a reaction in you that takes you back to that unhappy time.

        

It’s the present moment you need to focus on, that’s what is important to you now; you must tell yourself that going back is simply not an option, your choice, your only choice is to move forward and experience the now.


       


Go back to the Source


Before you can change the haunting memories, you must come to terms with the origin of those memories. You cannot let go of anything that you try to suppress. Suppression is not a solution; it is only a band-aid on the problem. Talking to someone about these memories can assist you in coming to terms with them. If that is too much for you to do, buy a journal and write it down. Writing can be very therapeutic. Really, all you need is a way to get your feelings about these experiences out.

        

Letting go means that you allow yourself to understand that any experience you have had, good or bad, is not your fault. You can get to the point where you know that each experience you've had the opportunity to witness is meant to be an experience for you. You were meant to learn something from the situation so that you could advance to where you need to be in this life. When learning to let go, internalizing this first point is the most important.

       

Decide what lesson it is you were to learn from the experience that produced the memory. Many people focus so intently on the past that they miss out on chances that would affect their future. If you feel that you are one of these people, maybe it's time you begin to let go.


     


Keep your situation in perspective


Remember that anything you have done is totally forgivable, even thought it may seem unforgivable to you. Take comfort in knowing that we have all made sometimes mistakes! You are not alone. If you only knew all the skeletons in other people's closets, you would not know that we all do things we seriously regret at times. Should all else fail and leaving you lacking the will to attempt anything ever again, just leave everything behind.

       

Mistakes happen every day to everyone and if we all just continued to blame ourselves all of the time instead of moving on, we would have a very sad and depressed world. Since the mistake has already happened there is nothing you can do and no amount of blame is going to change that. You can make your amends whether that is saying you are sorry, repaying someone or any other solution and you can learn from the mistake so you do not do it again. After this, all you can do is move on and live the rest of your life. Let the past stay in the past and start living for the future. The good news is that you have learned something from the mistake you made and you will be able to avoid it from happening again in the future. Blaming yourself will only work to bring you down and will not effectively solve any problem. Love yourself enough to forgive yourself and move on.


   


Make every day a new beginning of your life, and past mistakes mere handicaps that you are born with. Absorb the energy and possibilities of today. Acknowledge the simple beauty that can so easily be taken for granted, and look forward to another new beginning tomorrow.

Your focus from now would be to shape your life into what you want.

Whatever your past mistakes are, they can be redeemed and used for good. The mistakes you made can be used as teaching tools, to prevent others from making the same bad choices and getting into the same trouble you did. Sharing your story with others, with the goal of teaching, can be very healing. Remind yourself to stay open to possibilities by sharing the idea with other people. Your experience can help others who have been in similar situations, your courage to move on, will inspire others to find the strength to look out for new things in their lives.


Look at Now      


Those of us who have had dealings with people on their death beds; both old and young and who are in their own way forced to look back on their life, so often say, “given my time again, I would have done it all differently”; and I guess like me you would prefer to say, “you know what, I might not have got everything right, but I’ve appreciated every moment; everyday of my life, and it’s been good.”

Life is not just about being happy and putting a smile on your face, it’s also about appreciation for life too.


   


Letting Go of Emotional Baggage


Throughout our lives we go through different experiences, some are positive and some we see as negative and unpleasant. When you hang on to your emotional baggage, to negative thoughts, situations or events, you are likely to think about it often.

And when you constantly think about that negative event you prevent yourself from healing. How many pleasant memories do you recall everyday? Chances are you're like most people and you have a number of unpleasant experiences that you're holding on to, which is preventing you from moving forward.

The more you carry your emotional baggage life gets heavier. You're carrying useless baggage that's really slowing you down. Think of it this way: You're on a hiking trip and along the way you keep picking up heavy objects, things that really don't serve you. After a while, these objects begin to slow you down and unless you get rid of them, you'll never complete your trip.

       

There are times in our lives that we may have been hurt, felt disappointed, fearful, ashamed, guilty or angry, have kept resentments, nourished limiting believes and bad habits, felt insecure and depressed. Over lifetimes of journeying through our lives, we have invested a lot of time and energy in our emotional baggage and gone to a lot of trouble to keep it with us. Most of it is outmoded and obsolete, yet we are still caring it around.

These emotions, accumulated over a lifetime, get stuck in our mind and body and can cause harm to our immune system. In a way, this is causing us to live in the past and we are not able to let go to move on with our life. Over time, our emotional clutter will or is interfering with the flow in our life. If you are suffering beneath the burden of negative emotions, you will realize that it is not only important but it is in fact essential for your well-being to find a way in which to offload.

         

Within every bag of emotional clutter comes an instruction manual on how to function in "this" particular situation or "that". Some bags have a name tag on it that says guilt and regret, disappointment, resentment, jealousy, fear, and anger, "relationships", others "believe systems", another "thoughts" and so on. When we come into a new situation, we can't help but bring out our "baggage" and consult our manual.


Emotional Baggage is a heavy vibration that wastes our energy, weighs and slows us down.


Holding onto our past, regardless of whether we did something to someone or someone did something to us, emotional baggage increases our inertia and slows us down. We believe that something must be wrong with us so we hide our true selves from the people we interact with and measure ourselves against. When we think they’ve seen our flaws we feel worse. We criticize and punish ourselves because that kind of thinking keeps our energy vibrating at a level that attracts more of the same. Holding onto baggage is a form of self-sabotage regardless of how it got there. Emotional baggage wears you out and can turn a perfectly nice person into “an accident waiting to happen.


Our emotional debris are like deadwood in the river. The more you remove and eliminate the deadwood, the better the flow.


Generally we hold onto emotional clutter because there is fear, and often shame as well. When we finally make the decision to clear the deadwood, or debris, it means facing the fear and doing it anyway.

If your inner landscape is cluttered, your outer landscape may reflect that. Often people with emotional baggage collect material baggage in the form of clutter in their homes. Clearing the external clutter is freeing of energy, but unless you also clear the emotional clutter, you may be doomed to repeat the cluttered house over and over again.

You may think that hanging onto things keeps you secure, so you don’t feel loss and scarcity. In fact, that is far from the truth. We hold onto things because we already feel loss and scarcity. It only amplifies the feelings. Holding onto clutter and emotional baggage may be the way you feel worth, or self-confidence. It may be a false sense of strength and security.


While eliminating the cluttered emotions from your mind, it’s important to face the reasons why you hold onto your feelings.


You have to shift your focus and start first by identifying the source for the emotion. You have to inquire the thoughts which are causing you to feel the way you do. You have to explore what are you doing to empower and retain these thoughts your thoughts are based on your beliefs, so you must determine if you truly believe the thought that you are having. If not, you can make the choice to replace that negative thought with a more positive thought.

Clearing the debris from your river of life, with other words, letting go of your emotional baggage, can be one of the most empowering experiences of your life. The more you remove and eliminate the deadwood, the better the flow. As you let go, you free up space to expand and allow new healthier experience come into your life.


Hanging on to your emotional clutter and  negative past events is a process that can destroy your life in ways you're not even aware of.


Ask yourself these questions: Do the negative things you hang on to serve you any purpose? Do they help you move forward? Do they work in your favor in any way? If you said no to any or all of the above then tell yourself this: This emotion/feeling doesn't help me so I'm letting it go and focusing on what is important. Then begin focusing on what you want next, focus on what is important and what can improve your life. This is a simple process that gets the mind moving in a new direction and you stop building negative energy created from the negative events/emotions, which only attracts more negative situations.

       

When you begin focusing on more positive things you begin attracting positive situations.  Look around at all the things you have collected throughout your lifetime. It’s all a reflection of your inner self. The difficulty arises when, in addition to all your baggage, the people we interact with also bring their baggage and manuals - so instead of interacting directly with that other person, it all filters through this other stuff. When you realize that most of your relationships are based on "stuff", it can be very enlightening.

Right now, in this moment, what baggage are you still carrying around?


    


Letting Go of Old Stories


"Without a story, life only gets richer." - Byron Katie

Within each chapter of our lives, each of us have gathered experiences, collected outside opinions, and inherited external viewpoints. These become the building blocks of our beliefs. All of us hold onto a lifetime’s worth of beliefs. These beliefs are our story lines to which we cling over the course of our lives. They infiltrate our character and our attitudes. They shape our thoughts of the type of person we think we should be.

How we experience the world is largely a result of how we internalize it. Instead of telling yourself dramatic stories about the past - how hurt you were or how hard it was - challenge your emotions and focus on lessons learned.  That’s all you really need from yesterday.


"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re - reading the last one."


How many times this week did you tell "the story" about how badly you were hurt and how horribly you were wronged? How many times a day do you think about this hurt? It is a stake driven into the ground that keeps you from moving away from this hurt. Giving up your past, your old stories are one of the best things you can do for yourself.

The stories of your past do not serve your present moment and your future. By releasing them, you are creating room for something new. Your past does not need to be a part of your identity. You are more than the situations that have happened to you in the past. Your story needs to be more based on developing yourself to your greatest potential and looking towards the future and where you want to go and what you want to accomplish.

          

Depending on how long you've been caught up in your story, it's probably not something you'll be able to give up overnight. It will take time to allow yourself to first be aware of how much it's affecting your current life and then to be able to completely release it in order to allow the new you to emerge.Encumbered by the past, your energy becomes weighed down. You age before your time. You are not able to make yourself available to the present.


What stories do you keep retelling that locks you into repeating them in your life?


Be willing to explore the depth and expansiveness of who you are underneath past roles and stories. Imagine taking them off like a piece of clothing or stepping out and away from them like leaving a room. Tune into who you are without your stories.


        


 Let Go of Resentments

power of forgiveness


Carrying resentments around is like carrying someone else’s baggage on your back. Resentment is hurting you and not them. 

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance - but if you don't practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. When someone you love and trust hurts you, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root.

       

If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. To uncover your resentments and begin to make peace with the past requires taking the journey from your head to your heart.

       

Within an internal atmosphere of compassion and forgiveness, ask yourself:

"What am I still angry about? What is the fear beneath the anger? What am I afraid will happen if I let go of my resentments?"  When you have a resentment, a major part of you close down. You become bitter and less able to express your love.You lose your aliveness and your joy for life. You put up walls of protection and you make your life more difficult. Letting go of a resentment is not for the benefit of the other person.

       

Letting go of a resentment is for you. When you resent someone, you are saying very forcefully, that the other person is the problem, the cause and the fault. Not you. You forcefully blame the other person so you don't have to look at yourself (See Blame on this page, below Guilt)

If you looked at yourself, you would have to experience all the hurt from what happened. You would have to feel all the hurt of being not good enough, not worth loving or some other form of not okay. To avoid this hurt, you resent.
 
 
 
The first step in releasing a resentment is to be willing to feel this hurt. Look under the resentment and find the hurt.
Find the feelings of being not good enough or not worth loving that you are avoiding. Then be willing to experience them. Once you are willing to feel this hurt, you no longer need the resentment. Everywhere we go, we take that person with us, and the mere mention of their name can ruin our mood and steal our joy.
 

I have also come to understand that our resentments toward other people always reflect a resentment we are holding against ourselves. Conversely, the resentments we harbor toward ourselves are usually connected to a corresponding outer resentment. No matter how it plays out, it is easy to predict that if we live in a state of unresolved anger, pain, resentment and regret, our future will look like some version of our past.

We hold on to our resentments only when we are still trying to prove that we are right and someone else is wrong. Resentment can also become an excuse for not taking control of our own lives and we can use our resentments to poke the finger of blame at others for why we are not living the life we want to live.

So think about it, who is resentment really hurting? Who is really getting upset and feeling bad? YOU! An additional issue is that when you feel resentful, you are literally attached to this person by your thoughts – think about it, do you really want to take this person or situation with you everywhere you go? The truth is, most people don’t even care if you are hurt and angry. 

No matter what your reason for holding onto resentment, if you want to move on, then you need to let go. You need to decide to do this for yourself – not to allow that ‘thing’ you are holding onto to effect you anymore. Holding on to our resentments does not do us any good and we are literally giving that person or situation the power to make us feel bad. A key point to remember is that we don’t have to agree with what happened, but we do need to choose to let it go because it is having a negative effect on our life.


      


There is no such thing as a life without any regrets. However, regrets can become either burdens that interfere with your present happiness and restrict your future, or motivation to move forward. If you find yourself overcome by regrets, here are some steps that should help you integrate them.


  • Determine what your regret really is.
  • Do you regret something you did or something you didn't do?
  • Something someone else did or did not do?
  • A circumstance beyond your control?
  • It is important to step back from the feelings of regret and identify exactly what the regret is.

Grieve for your regrets.

When we feel regret, we re-live guilt, sadness or anger over and over again. Allowing yourself to experience these feelings fully with the intention of moving forward can help you stop revisiting them. Writing about your regrets, feelings, and frustrations can help understand why you did what you did and how you can learn from your mistakes.

Before you can get rid of haunting memories, you must come to terms with the origin of those memories. You cannot let go of anything that you try to suppress.


Suppression is not a solution,

It is only a band-aid on the problem. Talking to someone about these memories can assist you in coming to terms with them. Vocalize your feelings. Feel them, acknowledge them, express them, and then let them naturally transform. If that is too much for you to do, buy a journal and write it down. Writing can be very therapeutic. Really, all you need is a way to get your feelings about these experiences out.


              


  Letting Go of Guilt


"Dwelling in guilt is like living your life with an anchor tied to your ankles dragging you down.

Learning to accept the things that we perceive as wrong can be a difficult task for many of us. Often we have been brought up to accept that it is normal to feel guilty about our actions and that by doing so we will make everything seem alright within ourselves. Even though we might feel that we have a reason to make up for the choices we have made, it is much more important for us to learn how to deal with them in a healthy and positive way, such as through forgiveness and understanding.


When we can look back at our past and really assess what has happened, we begin to realize that there are many dimensions to our actions. While feeling guilty might assuage our feelings at first, it is really only a short-term solution. It is all too ironic that being hard on ourselves is the easy way out. If we truly are able to gaze upon our lives through the lens of compassion, however, we will be able to see that there is much more to what we do and have done than we realize.

Perhaps we were simply trying to protect others or ourselves and did the best we could at the time, or maybe we thought we had no other recourse and chose a solution in the heat of the moment. Once we can understand that dwelling in our negative feelings will only make us feel worse, we will come to recognize that it is really only through forgiving ourselves that we can transform our feelings and truly heal any resentment we have about our past.

         

Giving ourselves permission to feel at peace with our past actions is one of the most positive steps we can take toward living a life free from regrets, disappointments, and guilt. The more we are able to remind ourselves that the true path to a peaceful mind and heart is through acceptance of every part of our lives and actions, the more harmony and inner joy we will experience in all aspects of our lives."DailyOm

   Letting Go of Blaming Yourself

            Become a Creator.


           

Letting Go of Blaming yourself


Blame is a form of energetic cancer. Blaming yourself for everything what goes wrong in your life is staying in the victim mentality.

Many people live through their lives blaming themselves for just about everything that happens. We all go through life making mistakes but it is how you respond to these mistakes that will make a difference on the person you become. It is first very important to understand the distinct difference between blaming yourself and taking responsibility for your actions. When you accept responsibility for a wrong, you are saying that you are the cause for something to have happened. Taking a more emotionally mature, less child like position, means that you can see where you end and another person begins and recognise your own responsibility.

       

Responsibility is something that you can stand up and say you did, accept responsibility for it, make necessary amends and move on. Focus on the good things about yourself, about your talents and skills. You have many things to offer and instead of focusing on how you are to blame for everything, you should focus on the positive. Make a list of all of the positive traits that you have and make the list long and detailed.

If you are blaming yourself for everything that happens, it is likely that you are being way too critical on yourself and others. ( »» Your inner critic )Try only worrying about the bigger issues and letting the smaller issues go and learn when things can be fixed and when it is time to just let it go. Oftentimes people who are judgmental of themselves are also very judgmental of others. This may not be how you want to come across but most likely it is exactly how people see you.

      

If you are not able to let go self blame you easily will be driven by the sense of failure, not being "good enough" or guilt for not fixing the issues and become depressed and very hard in your self-assessments until you believe that you are the failure who is out of control and needing to be changed into a perfect, all powerful, infallible being.

True power is simply to stand in your own truth and take full responsibility. We sometimes fear our power because deep inside we know that step into our own power means we are no longer able to blame others or feel victimized.

We find this scary, for in owning our power we realize that we’ve had a large part to play in the experiences we’ve had. True power is also to love and accept all our seeming imperfections and to work with what we have to the best of our ability at any given moment. True power is to have the courage to just be who you are regardless of what others may think. True power is to have the courage to speak your truth without judgment or fear of being judged.

       

Sometimes people accept blame just to hear their friends tell them that it is not their fault. Do not worry so much about whose fault it is and worry more about what you can learn from the situation. Everyone makes mistakes, it does not matter how much some people pretend that they are perfect, we all make mistakes at times in our lives. Judging everyone for these mistakes is not the best use of your time.



Blaming others


People who blame others usually try to hide their feelings of helplessness. If they didn’t blame anyone they would need to admit that they are not in control and that there is nothing they can do. By blaming others helps people feel more in control. Unfortunately, blame is like anger in that it dulls one sense of empathy. It allows a person to act in a hurtful way to another human being. You see by blaming others we transfer power to “them”, and paralyze ourselves while we wait for “them” to change or release their hold on us.

       

By remaining locked into our victimized explanations, we become helpless to change a situation or attitude, while we pour our energy into complaining and anger, and other misdirected activities we begin to fall prey of Helplessness and it leads to feelings of depression, anxiety, chronic anger and health conditions. Blaming other makes us victims and as victims, instead of taking steps to help ourselves, we lobby against others, looking for supporters to help justify our anger and blame. We harden our hearts against others, making our world more unfriendly and combative.

         

Why do People Blame? Some people panic when they lose control of a situation and so they try to restore the sense of being in control by blaming others!! So behind the act of blaming others fear might exist. While others try to control others by blaming them and trying to make them feel that they are bad. If someone desperately wants you to do something he might blame you to change your behavior. Labeling you selfish, negative, arrogant or snob by friends is one of the common methods for controlling others using blame. In order to avoid working on self, people tend to blame as well so they do not have to work on their own issues.


     

Other reasons people blame they can’t admit failures and mistakes. So they blame others for them in order to escape from the responsibility. People blame others when they fail to accept something that happened. 

Blaming others for what happens to us can also create feelings of being a victim. Or we can blame a situation instead of considering that it is our reaction, our thoughts about the event that is causing the feeling. We need to accept responsibility for our lives and how we react instead of blaming others.

        

It takes inner strength to accept outwardly and inwardly that you screwed up. I’m not saying we should never blame other people. Sometimes others are at fault and they need to know it and take responsibility. But being able to accept responsibility when that’s right means we actually become less helpless and passive. This means: I do screw up at times. I am not perfect. It is not always everyone else's fault. I need to take responsibility for the highs and lows in my life. The other person can only have control if I allow them. By saying it is always them - and never me - I am allowing the control to be gone.

         

What is difficult about blamers, it is hard to help them help themselves because they wont look at the problem, and then blame you for their problem. If blamers took the time to contemplate and think through with an open mind, they would notice the repeated issues or problems that have surfaced in their life in different situations and with different people have one thing in common - the blamer. Blamers need to realize they cannot undo the past or change someone however they can change themselves  and do something in the present so that they can experience a different future. Take control of the things that they can change. If the blamer wanted, they can work on their attitude and make improvements to the way they think.

       

The important thing here is that if you are the target of someone’s blame, do not take it personally. That is what the blamer wants you to do. Know that they are unable to take responsibility for their own feelings and actions and bless them. You do not have to fall prey of the blamer. They need you to feel responsible for their lack of accountability, so make sure your side of the road is clear so you can walk it in good conscious, and speaking of walking…


 


 LET GO OF PEOPLE

FRIENDS AND RELATIONSHIPS


Letting go of people and behavioral patterns that no longer serve us often feels as though we are risking our safety and comfort.

The only wrong choice is to cling steadfastly to a situation that is causing you pain. Refusing to let go of a miserable situation nor only makes you unhappy, but it blocks you from finding positive new opportunities. If someone makes you miserable more than they make you happy, it doesn't matter how much you love them, you need to let them go! 


Be conscious of the people you are socializing with.


It is not only personal insults from other people that can be damaging. Being in the company of people who frequently complain or see the bad in everything can be just as dispiriting. Such people give across a negative energy that soon infiltrates everything and everyone around them. Socializing with such people can be very trying, it is especially difficult to be in the company of anyone who actively enjoys wasting time complaining and uses negative words frequently. You probably know people like that! They cannot see the bright side or joy in any situation, even happy events.

     

They do not realise the insidious effect of negative words and how self-defeating their behaviour is. These people are usually very angry and feel trapped and cheated in life, keen to blame others or situations for their misfortune. This constant griping means they are no longer contributing positively to the world. Usually they are so wrapped up in complaining that they fail to realise life is passing them by. They become cynical and sometimes depressed, much of which is perpetuated by the negative words they use - in their private thoughts as well as verbally. It is no surprise when negative people become ill with some stress-related ailment or other - the mental stress they have caused themselves manifests in other parts of the body, damaging the immune system, raising blood pressure and accelerating the aging process.

In trying to hold on to what is familiar, we limit our ability to experience joy in the present moment.


   


Letting Go can be as radical as leaving a long-standing marriage or friendship and changing one’s entire lifestyle.


Whichever it is, it is always going to be somewhat painful. Whatever your fears and beliefs may be, if you are in a situation that is causing you pain and unhappiness, then staying is not the choice of your higher self. If it feels wrong, that’s because it is. While a certain amount of discomfort is fine and necessary in learning to take chances and to grow, serious emotional suffering is a sign that all is not well. But, if your choices and circumstances are causing you extreme distress, you really need to question your reasons for sticking with them.

        

There are many reasons that people stay in situations that cause them distress, and most of these reasons are based on fear. These fears can range from beliefs that you don’t deserve to be happy or that it is not possible to be happy, fear of change and the unknown, and a feeling that it is better to have something, even something painful, rather than nothing. It is scary to step into a void. Most people do everything within their power to avoid a feeling of emptiness, but it is only by becoming empty that we can receive the miracles of life.

            

Sometimes people stay in a bad situation because they feel that they have invested so much time, energy, emotion, and that by walking away, they would be ‘losing’ their investment. Energy can never be lost. Anything that you have put your heart and soul into will undoubtedly have given you much in terms of growth and learning. It is often from pain that we learn the most. However, to stay trapped in a situation that you have come to realize is not healthy, and is hurting you, is a bad choice. However difficult and painful it will be to walk away, it will certainly be more painful to stay.

          

Even if it was an unhealthy relationship, you may still struggle to move on with your life. I'm aware that this a delicate area. Divorce should always be weighed carefully. Leaving friends or family can be an easy way out and a substitute for examining old, deep patterns of thought and behavior that lead to discord and disharmony. On the other hand, when “friends”, family members or partners dishonor you by dishonoring their contracts and agreements with you, be prepared to take vigorous action and LET GO! Otherwise you dishonor yourself.

In other cases, another may not dishonor you, but you may realize that your focus or level of living is different from theirs. It is not a judgment, just an observation.  Staying with them may mean you must stay at or near their level, which can cause depression and illness in a sensitive person. With great compassion you may realize you cannot maintain your integrity and keep living as another would wish, although it may seem perfectly fine to outsiders.

           

In terms of relationships, if someone is staying with you only because you are trying to make it impossible for them to leave, this can definitely have negative effects. If someone feels trapped by a partner, they will either retreat emotionally, become disempowered, or leave.

I like the saying that if you love something set it free. If it is meant for you then it will come back. We all need space to be ourselves, and to stay with a partner because we want to, not because they make us feel we have to. Each situation is different. As with any important decision, ask for guidance and you will receive it. Emotional pain is the message of your higher self-telling you that something is wrong. Listen to the message, and look within yourself for the courage to break free.


        

 Letting Go of Bad Habits


Whenever we make the effort to free ourselves of an addiction or a habit we no longer need, we are often surprised to find ourselves missing the old pattern as we would a familiar friend. This sounds counter intuitive, because we think we should instinctively gravitate toward that which is good for us. And yet, it makes a lot of sense when you consider that we humans are creatures of habit. This is why we gravitate to people and places - and patterns of behavior - that make us feel comfortable. Therefore, many of the habits we form are not conscious and are based instead on learned behavior from role models who were not always making the healthiest decisions.

    

Most addictions begin as a way of avoiding feelings that are extremely uncomfortable, so it makes sense that stopping the addiction means, for a time, a fair amount of discomfort. The same, of course, is true of habits that we have developed over time that we are ready to release. Just knowing that this is hard, and having compassion for ourselves as we work through this process, can help us to stay the course when we feel the urge to backtrack. It’s also helpful to remember that in time we will establish new, healthier patterns, and the yearning for the old ones will disappear. Eventually, we will instinctively reach for things that are good for us, and the longing for positive change may form the basis of a new habit.  

The only way to release yourself out of the prison of habits is to get to know them, to put them under a microscope, so that they can’t play out their tricks.

     

Habits are sneaky creatures. And they are so familiar to us that we can’t imagine to be without them. Habits easily operate outside of our conscious awareness. We all know how easy it is to empty a box of chocolate without thinking, to come home from work and watch until late TV,  to follow routines, to fall into different moods, or put on a smile when you are sad, or running always late, using excuses to justify ourselves, all out of habit. These habits and patterns become easy our identity.

         

The downside of this is that we become rigid. They affect your flexibility in thinking and leave you stuck in certain behaviours and limiting believes about yourself and the world around you. So having some objectivity about yourself is the first step to overcoming a habit; looking at the emotion behind the habit and attempting to meet the need of that emotion through legitimate means; and also replacing the habit with something else. Emotions drive - bad - habits. So the first step to addressing any habit is to identify it in yourself and see how it is working. And then to see if it is meeting any emotional need for you, and how you might otherwise meet that need with a healthier solution.

Instead of avoiding certain emotions and feelings, let them come out to the light, investigate, explore why you are reacting to a situation or person, explore why you are shy, or angry, depressed, etc. Dysfunctional living habits offer temporary relief, but add stress and strain in the long run.  

There is no shortage of activities that you can do to shake up your daily routine, but unless the mental side of it is also shifted, more likely than not, you will find yourself stuck back in your same old rut. It is quite common to hear people talk about what they can’t do. This is just an old habit which they have worn in their brain and is holding them back from their full potential, as well as, keeping them in a rut.

In order to develop new habits that allow you to live life to the fullest you need a whole new way of thinking. Change is often uncomfortable; however, change by choice is far more preferable than having to change because a drastic event occurs in a person’s life. Change does not have to be radical although some people do choose that route.

To let go of these habits first requires a commitment to your self. You are celebration, not from need. The spirit of celebration means that you have already overcome it in your mind. You just need a little help to work out the details. This is a far cry from feeling you are a wretched victim of some habit and that someone or some therapy is needed to "fix" you. It is worth the effort! When you endeavor to change any habit, do so in the spirit of love and kindness to yourself.


 


 Here is an Analogy of Letting Go:


"They catch monkeys in Africa by spreading large glass jugs with long narrow necks on the jungle floor and then put bunches of bananas in them. The monkeys show up, put their arm in the jug, grab the bananas and then won’t let go. They would rather end up in the Zoo than let go of their bananas.

Thousands of psychologists and counselors around the country are getting a lot of money for an hour of their service and what are they trying to do? You might guessed it, help people let go of their bananas. By the way have you ever noticed that after a while bananas rot and begin to smell?

Do you catch the meaning of this example?"

Are you ready to catch even just an inkling of the power and deliciousness that is within you and everyone else by letting go? 


 


  Let go of limiting beliefs

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