Myths and Reality - of Asking for Support

 
 

 

            

             Challenges and Myths

    → Creating a Support Team

   ← Asking for support

        

There is nothing shameful about seeking help from friends, your family or from a professional trained one, either as an individual or as a family.

  • Know to ask for help before frustration and anger take over. This is the first and most important step. If you're an "over doer" and want to handle things by yourself, it may not be      as easy to identify what exactly you'll need help with. Take      a  few minutes to ponder this.

  • Leave behind feelings of shame and embarrassment. Just because you're asking for help doesn't mean you're a              failure. It's actually wise and a very successful strategy because it will save stress and time.


  • Talk to someone who you're close to - like a friend or family member - If you're feeling a bit intimidated asking for help from someone else. Maybe they can point you in the right direction. Think about what will happen if the situation is not dealt with and all the weight is on your shoulders. State clearly what it is that would be helpful and be specific.


  • Abstain from whining when you're doing too much; it will         turn people away.

  • Be as positive as you can. While some people may feel vulnerable or ashamed to ask for help, a good mental health provider will help you feel at ease. Needing help is not a moral weakness. In fact, all of us have a responsibility to seek help for our own sake and the sake of our loved ones. Often our own reluctance is the main barrier to seeking assistance.

  • There has been some stigma attached to seeking help for emotional health issues.  

  • We may worry: 'What will people think of me?' 'What if my boss finds out?' 'What will the neighbors think?' Some times we need to seek help from behavioral health experts. No one thinks less of us for seeking consultation from an accountant or lawyer. Similarly, we should insist on the opportunity to visit a health coach, mentor or counselor.

       


      

 

     

  • Myth: Asking for help makes you look weak or needy.            
  • Reality: There’s no shame in turning to others in times of need. In fact, it’s a sign of strength.

  • Myth: Asking for help signals incompetence - especially at work.  
  • Reality: Seeking help at work shows others that you want to do the job right - and to develop and learn.

  • Myth: Asking for help can harm relationships.                         
  • Reality: Healthy relationships are about give-and-take - not just give.
     
  • Myth: Asking for help puts others in an awkward position.          
  • Reality: It’s human nature to offer help when you see someone in need -and it’s no different when others see you in need.

  • Myth: Asking for help might lead to rejection.                           
  • Reality: Even a “no” response offers the opportunity to learn more about yourself - and your relationships.

  • Myth: Asking for help means the job might not get done right. 
  • Reality: Refusing to ask for fear of losing control maintains      the status quo.  Let go and give your helpmate a chance to shine.

  • Myth: Asking for help means you’ll have to return the favor.         
  • Reality: Help freely given comes with no strings attached - other than a simple and sincere thank-you.

          

  • Myth: asking for help makes us look vulnerable.
  • Truth: Asking for help creates an atmosphere of empowerment. It communicates to others that,                     while you may not have the answers, you are willing               to find them and make things better.

Myth: Holding things in and keeping personal issues under  wraps keeps us  secure.

Truth: In reality, not allowing yourself to be "known" keeps you socially isolated, and therefore, insecure. When you seek the counsel of others, you'll not only connect with them, but you'll also realize that you're not alone in your struggle.

    

Myth: It bothers others

Truth: Doing it all can do you in. Being too self-sufficient  can create stress levels that tip your physical, emotional and spiritual scales.


Myth: Highly successful people never ask for help.                  

Truth: Actually, successful individuals will tell you that the key to success knows your strengths and weaknesses. Learning how to delegate, asking for help and letting others show you the way are part of the plan. Successful people are driven and motivated - and when the going gets tough, the tough ask for help!


Myth: I am a giver. I don't like when others help me.                 

Truth: Get over it. With practice, you'll learn to be comfortable when others help you. And before long, you'll come to realize that you deserve a helping hand every now and then.

       

      

 
  • When someone answers your call for help, it strengthens the bond between you - or creates the potential for a new relationship.

  • Reduces stress and restores energy.

  • Getting help can save you time and energy, simplify your life, and improve your work-life balance.

  • Reminds you that you’re not alone

  • Everyone needs help at times.

  • If you’re the type who endures hardships with grim determination, you’ll discover you don’t have to go it alone.

  • Gives happiness to others.

  • Don’t you feel good when you help someone else? Letting others help you gives them that same opportunity.

  • Leads to personal growth.

  • Taking risks, learning to trust, and finding out that others have got your back are just a few of the lessons you’ll learn.

  • Allows the pleasure of surrender.

  • Being out of control can actually feel great. Once asking for help gets a little easier, you’ll relish the experience of letting go.

  • Reminds you that you’re worthy of support.

  • You deserve a hand as much as anyone else. When someone comes to your aid, it reinforces that message.

  • Lets others shine.

  • Seeking help gives others the opportunity to reach out, contribute, and try something new.

       

 

Too many of us would rather go it alone when help is right there -just for the asking. Here are ways to reach out with comfort and confidence:

  • Practice. 

  • Challenge yourself to ask for help three times a day -every day.

  • Go easy on yourself.

  • Self-care is the new self-help. Be compassionate with yourself - and remember that you, too, are deserving of help.

  • Cast a wider net.

  • Expand your list of helpmates. Look beyond the obvious - family and friends, and co-workers - and add some new names to the list, starting with someone who’s been in your shoes.

  • Plan the time - and place.

  • Talk to your potential helpmate as soon as possible. Pick a convenient time for him or her, and do it in person - and in private.

  • Be specific. Articulate your needs.

  • Clarify what you’re looking for - from terms to time lines - though be careful not to micromanage.

  • Listen differently.

  • Be attentive to the subtle cues behind a general “yes” or “no” response. Is your potential helpmate willing - or reluctant?

  • Use the “three thanks” rule.

  • Express your gratitude three times - when the agreement is struck, when the need has been met, and when you next see your helpmate.

  • Ask early; ask often

  • No one is immune from needing help, even in today's go it- alone culture. So, take a risk and ask - early and often. It just may change your life!


      


 Next page: Creating a Support Team

Transpersonal Councelling
Motivation and Goals
Expand and Challenge the Comfort Zone
Nurturing Hope
The will to Live
Living and Dying    

  ← asking for support

 

 

     


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